A video homage to Ryan

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A post from Ryan.

Going through my emails, I found this blog post that Ryan sent me.  It was written 10 days before he passed away.  I didn't post it then because he wanted to double check he got the names right, and wanted to make sure he mentioned everyone he met...he didn't want to leave anyone out.  Well, things got a bit busy and real...his changes never happened.  So here is his post, unedited.  A little bit of Ryan to brighten your Tuesday: Ok, I think I get it.  It’s addicting.  I haven’t stopped thinking about blogging since I wrote my first official blog to the world.  Well it kinda helped that I caused...

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Meltdown

Sets.(Shaking my fist to the universe.)Sets!I'm failing...or something.  Poor L has had his sets changed almost every other day lately.  Today...I couldn't get him out of the 300's.  When we got home from my in-laws tonight he reluctantly showed me the 470 that popped up on the screen...So help me...another set change for my baby.I asked J to fill the reservoir for me.  He is happy to do it.  He's GOOD at it.  How he can pull that insulin out like butter, I do not know...but in less than a minute's time he had a beautiful fresh full reservoir waiting for me.I confidently opened a new set and attached the head to...

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Diabetes: Our Security Blanket?

Plunging toilets, killing spiders and changing sets.  Ryan's jobs.Thankfully when a killer giant spider jumped out at me while making lunches this morning my sister in law jumped in front of me to save the day.  Sets?  J has taken to filling reservoirs for me, and thankfully the toilet hasn't been an issue for me yet.Ryan was brilliant at changing sets.  We use quick sets, and for the life of me I have no idea where the good "rocket" is.  (We call the R2D2 like serter, the "rocket.")  We have one that fits the set perfectly.  It is a cloudy white on the inside...we've never inserted a wonky set with it yet. ...

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Melancholy

Ryan was home to me.  Right now I'm feeling homeless.  Where do I belong?  The world is turning and I must take my place.  But where?Our bedroom is the hardest room for me to be in.  I only noticed a few days ago how I avoid going in there.  I use the boys bathroom during the day, instead of my own.  When I go in our room at night it feels sacred.  A giant photo of him leans against the wall from the funeral.  For now, I like it there.  His smile is so genuine...I feel like he's telling me how proud he is that I've gotten through another day.  I pray harder in there.  I cry...

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Episode 1.

As most of you know, J was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the tender age of 8 months.  When he was diagnosed the doctor told me it was her goal to keep him out of DKA, and keep him alive.We achieved that goal...but more than that, we achieved 14 years without a low "incident."  By incident I mean J has never passed out.  He has never had a seizure.  He has never gotten loopy, or lost time.  The worse symptom he ever had was some sweating.   I can count on one hand how many lows he has had under 50.  We've been blessed for sure.So yesterday was shockaprising to say the least.I got a call on my cell phone. ...

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He promised

He promised that everything would be ok. People make promises every day, and often they do so without taking any stock in what the word really means.    Ryan on the other hand, when he  promised something...it was set in stone.Early in our relationship I remember driving to his parents house one evening.  He was telling me some fantastic story about work that morning and I was in a fit of giggles saying, "You did not!"  "That did NOT happen!"  At a stop light he looked me squarely in the eye and said, "I promise.  When I promise you something it is very sacred to me.  I only say those words when...

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Aching

I wasn't expecting it.  Looking back it should have been more clear to me what was happening, but in the moment...I was just coping with him.  Loving him.How everything happened last Sunday is so personal I can't write it down here, but I can tell you that without a doubt...we received our miracle.I sit here completely humbled, and shocked.  How God got away with this without me cursing him is the monumental miracle itself.  Each detail of the last week was carefully seeded so that on the other side I could not deny this timeline was always set.  It just wasn't for me to foresee.My body is barely hanging on.  I...

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My love

Ryan passed away Sunday morning, peacefully, in the arms of his family.  Our miracle came to pass as he did not suffer.  He worked, he loved, he laughed, until the very end.  He will forever and always be my miracle, my precious love...our angel.  Although not the way I had hoped, my greatest prayer has been answered.  He is forever free of his canc...

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Ryan

This is Ryan six months ago...just one week after he was diagnosed. He doesn't look like this anymore. The radiation, the steroids and the cancer itself has done a number on his body. But, his eyes remain the same. That is what I fell in love with, his smiling eyes. Please pray for my husband. Please pray for the father of my four boys. Especially today. He is almost to the point where he cannot walk. We need your mighty prayers to lift his spirits, and if it is God's will...to provide the miracle we so desperately yearn for.Bless each of you for being such a wonderful support to me, and my family.  ...

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