Fixing my faith.

The day Ryan passed away, it broke.For the six months preceding, I had amazing faith.  My faith reflected the way I lived every day.  Hope staring back at me was my norm.My faith was clear.  It was clean.   It was shiny.  It was good.  My mirror of faith was framed in hope, and was most definitely part of who I was.When Ryan passed, you can imagine my horror when I found my faith on the floor, broken into a thousand pieces.I looked myself square in the eye every day in that mirror, and suddenly the image I relied on was completely distorted and broken every whit.I'm not sure how it happened.  In the past...

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Try.

It is no secret that I spend a lot of time at my keyboard.  The brightness of the screen is my office space.  This corner of the couch is my desk.Some days I don't want to do anything.  I sit here staring at the blinking cursor on my screen and wish I could just curl up in the warmth of my keyboard and take a sabbatical from my life.But as a mother, I'm not allowed to completely lose myself  in the online world for too long, so I look for motivators to get me up and moving.I think you all know I love the written word.  Words are what propel me forward.  Words are powerful.  So it shouldn't come as...

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Inspiring.

I had a discussion with Chris on his Just Talking podcast the other day, part of which focused on the idea that I am an inspiration.  (You can find it in its entirety, HERE.)I wasn't able to articulate my feelings the way I wanted to, so I thought I'd turn here to try to explain my take on this.I'm often told I'm inspiring, and it completely throws me.  Is "enduring" inspiring?  Is muddling my way through, inspiring?  Ask my family...I'm no big deal. What is it about surviving that is inspiring?I really feel like everyone is inspiring.  That is why I encourage everyone to start a blog, or at least find other peers to...

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Anatomy of a high.

He walked into the room, his face ashen white.  "Mom, I'm 578."My mind began to race, tracing our history for the last few hours.  We had taken a three hour tour of the coastal shores.  L had peed three times in that amount of time, and sipped contentedly on two water bottles from the cooler.  We dined on sandwiches while watching the magnificent sunset, but since he was high and feeling it, L decided to pass on them until he came down.  Except he hasn't come down.Blood Ketones: 4.7Though these days are few and far between, we both knew the sick day protocol and sprung silently into our collective roles.  He changed...

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Ode to sleep

Oh, sleep.Oh, solitude for my weary soul.Oh, peaceful hideaway for my swelly brain.Oh, comfort for my buzzing body.Oh, how I miss thee.Your warm embrace and kind face.Your soft welcoming when I need a friend most.The host to my party of calm.The right that fixes all the wrong.Oh, sleep.Why must your tethers of understanding be just out of my grasp?Why must diabetes rob us of our reunion?Why must I stand by your side unable to partake in your goodness?Why do you wink at me so?You know  how I long for you.You must know you are always on my mind.You have to know it is you I would run to if I could.Oh, sleep.Reach out your hand and take me...

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48 Questions: Getting to know Meri

Cherise over at DSMA suggested the DOC get to know each other better by answering these 48 questions.  I'm down with that.  Get to know little ol' me, and consider answering them yourself! 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I was named after a character on a Soap Opera.  Because anything other than that would have been normal.  2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The day before yesterday, midnight, in bed, during a very one-sided conversation with Ryan.  3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? My handwriting is pretty freaking awesome...for the first three or four words, then it's all downhill from...

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Dear 42

Dear 42,Hey.  W'sup.  When you showed up on our doorstep last week I have to admit I was taken back a bit.    I am sure we hadn't exchanged any kind of correspondence regarding a visit.  In fact, when I first saw your face I wasn't entirely sure who you were.   You looked very familiar...I just couldn't place when or where our paths had crossed before.  Since then I have come to terms with the fact that I probably blocked out our last meeting to save my sanity.  My swelly brain freely stores information, but sometimes it must dump the unpleasant to survive.  You're previous visits, I'm sure...we're...

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