Random Meri Musings

* I can now type without looking at the keyboard or the screen. This comes in handy when I am in the middle of writing a thought and a boy comes in demanding my attention.

* I like saying "awkward." To make others feel awkward. Especially when it comes to my parents. They will say something to me, and I will randomly say, "I wish you didn't tell me that. Really awkward." Then they automatically feel awkward. True story.

* I just made the announcement that no more teenagers are allowed. J turns 13 next week. Sucks for him. Wonder how he's going to work that one out.

* I like pumpkin pie. Just thought I would throw that one out there.

* I started three diets last month. Two of them lasted less than a day. My husband THREW AWAY all the Halloween candy because he and I couldn't keep our hands out of it. I'm pretty sure there was at least 5 pounds of candy. He regretted it that night, but couldn't retrieve it because he purposely threw it away with gross food we just cleaned out of the fridge.

* My birthday is in January. Just in case, you know, you wanted to knit me something.

* The trees are finally turning gold and orange and red and all the brilliant colors of fall. Brings peace and happiness to an old D Mama's soul.

* Last week, I had two birthday parties in a three day period. L's was on a Wednesday. B's was on a Friday. Note to self. Don't invite extra kids, expecting that some won't be able to come. EVERY single child I invited to BOTH parties showed up. You bet I'm going to file that away for next year. Oh, and PS Meri, having two parties in the same week wasn't such a bright idea either.

* My favorite show this year, and sadly it seems as though there are slim pickin's these days...my favorite show is Castle. I originally mixed up the star of the show, Nathan Fillion, with Jason Bateman. Come on...the two have never been seen in the same place. Are they one person?



* Lastly, I was SO opposed to the whole Silly Bandz epidemic. But now that my boys got some for their birthdays...I LOVE THEM! It has especially helped little L make more friends. He trades them at recess and is SO happy because of it. (Actually, he gives away more than he trades, but what ev...if he is making friends...win win! So what if I have to buy these kids off!)

* And this just in...(really, this is the last one,) I can no longer type BECAUSE correctly. I type it becUAse. What the heck is wrong with me?? My fingers WILL NOT type the A before the U. No kidding.

So that's it. Another day of NaBloPoMo...done and done!

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Us against them? And my 6 things...

Type 1’s against Type 2’s?

Not.

Whoever assumes that Type 1’s feel ANY animosity towards Type 2’s is dead wrong.

Sure I can’t speak for everybody, but I can speak for myself…and I betcha I'm not too off base from the majority of people who read this blog.

I’m going to say this loud and clear. It is not US vs. THEM. It never has been.

Unless the THEM that you are referring to is the media.

It is the media that gets its facts wrong.

And that makes “US” very angry.

The stereotype about diabetes as a whole is wrong.

Sugar and poor diet alone do not diabetes make. Not Type 1. Not even Type 2.

Other factors come into play. MANY other factors.

Sure, for the Type 2 community poor diet can contribute to getting Type 2, but it is rarely the entire story. There is more to the puzzle. One person’s story does not tell the story of the masses.

Take my mother for example.

She was diagnosed a Type 2 a few years ago. At the time she was quite slim and walked regularly with her friend. She also worked almost full time in the Elementary schools. I think the biggest factor that led to her type 2 diagnosis was that she had gestational diabetes when she was pregnant.

I would say my mom has it pretty hard. Limited diet. Crappy old style insulin. (Regular and NPH…come on! That combo is SO yesterday!) And in the beginning, she had no support from her doctor.

I think type 2’s get shoved to the side.

I once saw an elderly woman at the pharmacy get pills for her newly diagnosed type 2 condition. The pharmacist said, “Make sure you check your sugar for awhile to see if these combo of pills work for you.” The lady said, “What is checking your sugar?” The pharmacist said, “Didn’t your doctor tell you about the blood sugar monitor?” “No, what is that?”

How the hell can a doctor give out pills to a Type 2, for her to take the first time in her life, and NOT give her a blood sugar monitor?

How the hell will they know if those pills are working?

How the hell will they know if those pills are too strong?

Being Type 2 sucks. Period.

I do not have anger towards the Type 2’s.

I have anger over those that mix up Type 2 causes…with our causes.

Autoimmune vs. Metabolic.

I mean, I’m not that bright and it is an easy concept even for me.

But before I get too cocky, I am the first to admit that even Autoimmune vs. Metabolic doesn’t always tell the whole story.

With our family history, my endo is wondering if my mother may even have Lada. Adults with Lada have a VERY slow onset of Type 1. It is usually wrongly diagnosed as Type 2 because Lada patients can sometimes survive years on pills. Unfortunately, this wrong diagnosis can be disastrous.

No, I am not angry at the Type 2’s. And I'd venture to say, you aren't either. They have a ton on their plate.

ALL WE WANT…all we super duper really want…is for the media…the WORLD …for everyone!...to get these facts straight.

In honor of D Blog Day...here are 6 things I want the world to know:

1) Type 1 is an autoimmune disease. This means our children didn’t do anything OR eat anything, to cause this disease. It is a complete crap shoot. You are born with the disposition to get the disease. Period. There is an unknown trigger…probably a flu or a virus…but otherwise there was nothing we could do to prevent it.

2) Yes, Type 1’s can eat that.

3) No, that won’t make it go away. There is NO CURE. Insulin is life support. Period.

4) Don't question my judgement. I know better than my endo what is best for my boys. Sure she knows the ins and outs of diabetes, but I live and breathe my boys blood sugars, so let me do my thing!

5)There are no good or bad numbers in this house. They all are good. They tell us what to do next and that is it.

6) And lastly, comments to my child about your great uncle losing his foot to Type 2 diabetes, are not OK.

That is it.

Is that hate mail to Type 2’s? I don’t think so. In fact I'm sure type 2’s have their own list to send out to the world. I’d be interested in seeing those lists as I bet we have a few items in common.

Regardless…I hope for a cure for the Type 2 community, as much as I do for the Type 1. Alright…mostly as much. I really want a cure for my babies…If I’m being totally honest…

The only Type 2 people I don’t get along with are those who say stupid things.

And that goes for Type 1’s too.

AND for rest of the world too.

See…I’m totally not a diseasist! And I’m guessing, neither are you.

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All about J’s day.

I wrote a big long blog today, and realized it was perfect for D Blog day tomorrow. That blog is going to have to wait.

I am stumped.

So J is right in front of me right now.

I’m going to ask him to tell me about his day.

GO J! GO!

“The extra hour of sleep this morning was great, I was able to run faster and better in PE today. I didn’t feel tired at all! I felt awesome!”

“This is the second to last track day we have…so that makes me VERY happy.”

“Ummmm…Spanish, my substitute teacher was very very very mean. He yelled a lot. He yelled at me for sharpening my pencil. My pencil broke! I had to write! But we did watch a video. And videos are always cool.”

“I found a dollar on the ground, walking to lunch. I thought that was way cool.”

“Science, we did more stuff on genetics. And we talked about why marrying your cousin is NOT good. And we did this thing…we put this really special weird paper on our tongue, to see if we could taste it. People who could taste it said it was disgusting. I didn’t taste it though. It had no flavor. It tasted like nothing.”

“I feel stupid doing this.”

“Are you writing what I said?” (He's looking at the computer screen now...)

Giggle Giggle.

“Wow mom.”

“Wait! Giggle Giggle! NO WAY!! Write LAUGH!”

(I tell him I will not compromise my writing integrity. And then ask him to continue on with how is day went...)

“My blood sugars were good, I was 139 at lunch. I texted you.”

“When we picked up M I thought it was hilarious that he was carrying a paper bag instead of his backpack today!”

(Side note: M left his backpack in my mother in laws car on Friday…and he didn’t have it as he was heading out to zero hour this morning, so he grabbed a bag. I asked him if it was embarrassing…he said, 'Not as embarrassing as you’d think it would be.')

“Nothing else really happened today. Ummmm. Now you are typing up this blog. And that is the end.”

“Giggle Giggle? Really Mom?”

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Be part of the bigger picture.

I know this video has been all over the DOC this week. But I don't want you to forget about it...it is that important.

57,258...that is how many times this video has been viewed. We need 100,000. EVERY time this video is viewed, Roche will make a donation of insulin to a child in need. If you have watched this, please watch again. If you haven't watched this...please watch it as many times as you can. It is 1 minute and 49 seconds of video. Watching it can save a life. Aren't you up to saving a life today?



And then later...on November 14th, participate in the Big Blue Test. Check your or your loved one's sugar. Exercise for 14 minutes. And then check your or your loved one's sugar again. Once you do...you can enter the information from your numbers HERE. Easy peasy! See if the exercise made a difference! Everything you need to know about the Big Blue Test is HERE.

If you have Type 1 or Type 2, please participate! Belonging to something bigger is one of the best things about the DOC!

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November 6th...a story worth retelling.

This is a post I wrote last year. Since I have a few new followers on the block, I thought re-posting it would be a good idea. It is a little window into the personal side of our family. I didn't want to spend too much time on the computer today...too much celebrating to do! :) Have a wonderful weekend friends!

A little interesting fact about our family is that I gave birth to my two youngest on the same day of the year. B and L were both born on November 6th exactly two years apart. November 6th is also my father in laws birthday AND most importantly…it is also the day my husband asked me to marry him.

We were really young…I was 19 at the time and he was 21. He was my best friend and our relationship was easy. I was used to drama and guys ignoring me while we dated, but Ryan was different. He was always thoughtful. He was always kind and polite, and he only treated me with respect.

He called me at Macy’s on November 6th, 1992 and asked for me to stop by after work. I didn’t get off until 9:00 that night but he insisted. I reluctantly agreed and continued on with my day. It didn’t even faze me that my Mom and my sisters came by to say hello. (My Mom wasn’t a big mall shopper.) They had silly grins, but I was clueless. (Ryan had asked for my hand earlier from my father, and of course my father practically THREW me at him. My parents LOVE Ryan.)

His proposal was simple. He changed out of his life and bakery uniform of jean shorts and white shirt into a shirt and tie. He asked me immediately and I (obviously) said yes.

I couldn’t wait to be married to him. We would have a great life. We would be adults. We would make our own decisions. Life was going to be all smiles and adventures. We had love, what more did anyone need?

And as I look back on the past 17 years…WOW!!!!!!!....it has been hard. Really, really hard. With 5 pregnancies, (one that didn’t work out, and one that was especially worrisome,) and the bakery, (that he worked 15 hours a day in,) and diabetes diagnosis, (Four, if you include my brothers,) and cancer, (My husband’s mother survived breast cancer and my husband had a serious Melanoma that required chemo this year,) and everything else that life threw at us…man, it’s been REALLY REALLY hard.

But even through the pain and the stress and the uncertainty of life…love has remained. And as hard as life has been, I still have my best friend beside me. He still wears his jean shorts and white T-shirts and he still dotes over me like when we were first married. And we have 4 beautiful boys…who relish every minute of their lives…and who, because of diabetes, appreciate the little things…like brownies with M&M’s on top for their classes on Friday.

Looking back, would I change anything? Mostly I would change things about me. IF I could relive it all…I would worry less...I would take my frustration out on my husband less…I wouldn’t try so hard to be perfect…or to impress those around me. I would have accepted that my best was good enough and I probably would have let my kids have friends over in a house that was not as neat as a pin.

I would tell myself everyday…that hard times don’t last forever…that there will be good times around the corner…and that life is too precious to waste with constant worry and self loathing.

I would appreciate the little moments more…and I would appreciate all the wonderfullness that I've always had right in front of me...

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Autoimmune freak-out.

You probably think that my boys’ immune systems were satisfied with killing off the beta cells in the pancreas.

Not so.

Their immune systems had other ideas and thought it would be fun to plague my cuties with other auto immune ailments.

Even though these ailments are harmless and cause no pain…they still tick me off.

Can’t autoimmune jerk face stop causing issues for our family??

J was the first one to encounter said issues.

It started four years ago with a spot on his leg, about the size of a quarter. That spot grew and grew and grew until it became the size of a jam jar lid. (A wide jam jar lid.)

Then more spots came.

Then more.

We brought him to the doc a few times. Brought up the subject at endo appointments. Everyone was stumped. It was when J refused to wear shorts to school I took him to the dermatologist to do a biopsy and put a name on this sucker.

Granuloma annulare.

Here is what it looks like on the outside. He only has them on his legs. The leg with the smaller spots used to be his bad leg. It gives us hope that one day they will just go away.

A granuloma is a medical term for a spherical mass of immune cells that forms when the immune system attempts to wall off substances that it perceives as foreign but is unable to eliminate. In J’s case the substance that the immune system finds to be foreign is keratin. Keratin is the key structural material making up the outer layer of human skin.

Here is what it looks like on the inside.

Anyway…his immune system is attacking something that it shouldn’t be…sounds familiar, right?

These spots do not hurt. These spots do not itch. They are just there. We tried topical lotions to no avail, and even had the spots injected with something to lessen the redness. The shots helped a bit, but not enough for J to go back for a second round. The pain of the shots was just too much for him.

Fortunately they are smaller and less red than they were. J isn’t embarrassed to wear shorts anymore, mostly because he knows what they are now.

Knowledge is power I guess.

L was the next to be blessed with yet another immune system freak-out.

It was after eating pizza one day that L was asking me quite a lengthy question. As he was speaking I caught a glimpse of his tongue and almost fell off my chair. I had him open wide and this is what I saw.


So of course I think he has tongue cancer or ring worm, or something. I Googled “funny looking tongue” and searched like a mad woman for the answer.

Luckily the answer came quickly.

Geographic Tongue.

This is another harmless auto immune thing…much like what J has, but on the tongue. It gets worse, (or more funny looking,) when he eats spicy foods. Luckily it is completely harmless. The rings on the tongue move around and often disappear too. Actually, it is kinda cool.

A little freaky. But thankfully…nothing to worry about.

So, I’m going to take this opportunity to publicly ask the boys’ immune systems to please stop the madness.

Enough is enough.

Don’t make me come and kick your arse. I have friends all around the world! Strong, sleep deprived friends! And I’m NOT afraid to use them!

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An homage to the nighttime check.

Quiet.

The house is still.

Parents peacefully sleeping. Children gleefully dreaming.

Respite from a long busy day.

The dog sighs happily in his bed. The heater hums, the faucet silently drips.

The alarm waits.

It’s black plastic, hard and distantly cold against the softness of the bedroom.

Seconds tick by. Soon it will be time.

Tick Tick Tick.

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

The scream of the alarm echoes against the still walls of the sanctuary.

A mother’s eyes open.

She turns fluidly towards the snooze button.

The check can wait.

Three more minutes of sleep. Much needed precious sleep.

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

A violent throwing of the blanket. She is up.

Cautiously she navigates the dark corners of the house. Stealth-like in her movements.

Her hand fumbling for the light. A small stream of brightness piercing the dark…her eyes squint, adjusting to the soft beam.

A monitor, a pricker, three test strips…she begins the rounds.

Each child in a dream like escape from diabetes. Each child at peace.

She longs to keep the peace. Her fear of disturbing her boys is tangible. She wants them to indulge in the calm within the storm.

She works quickly and quietly.

The countdown. Three. Two. One.

137.

Her eyes bright now with victory. Her heart beating strongly against her chest…she is alive with hope.

The next countdown. Three. Two. One.

184.

A small curve at the corner of her mouth. A shy smile of smugness. A sigh of relief.

The final countdown of the night.

Three. Two. One.

59.

Her eyes close now. She holds in a tear. Sleep will have to wait.

Her mind begins to race. Information begins passing through at lightning speed. Processing what this child’s body needs.

She leaves the room and returns like a ghostlike figure. The silence of the house is deafening.

She gently presses the straw to her handsome son’s lips. He sips resolutely. His sleepy eyes see her for a moment, but he is lost in his dream before a memory is formed.

He is safe. For now.

As the mother sets her dark, cold alarm for an hour later, she sighs a deep knowing sigh.

She knows that there are others. Mothers and fathers quietly…tenderly… walking the halls of their homes. They are the guardian angels of their children.

She is not alone. And for a moment, that is enough. Enough to get her through to the next check. And the next. And the next.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The clock waits to scream. And the mother waits to sleep. Her mind alive with information.

She pushes back the madness. She WILLS herself to close her eyes. She will not question herself tonight. She WILL sleep until the next check.

Her eyes finally give in to the exhaustion and as they begin to finally flutter closed…

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

The nighttime checks continue. An eternal round of deafening silence and breathless countdowns.

The sleeplessness, a necessary evil and a willing sacrifice for the safety of the children she loves more than her own life. They are her everything. She will do anything and everything to keep them safe...

Even the nighttime check.

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Halloween and some tough love.

It was the best Halloween ever!

(Scratch that.)

It was the best Halloween FOR ME ever!

We skipped the school Harvest Party.

We skipped the church Trunk or Treat.

Instead, my husband took the older boys to Six Flags Fright Fest, and I took the younger boys out to dinner and then home to make pumpkin muffins.

Then Halloween we trick or treated and that was the end of it.

SO NICE! Admittedly a little selfish on my part, but it was so dreamy I can’t even bring myself to feel guilty.

I think I mentioned last week that I was planning to have the boys sell me their candy this year for gifts. I did put that plan into action with mixed results.

I bought stuff that I thought they would truly want. ITunes gift cards, Baukugan and Pokémon cards. I was willing to sell each present for 100 pieces of candy. I would let them each keep 10 pieces of candy and if there was any leftover, they could give me the rest for “How to Train Your Dragon.”

I was ready!!

L JUMPED at the chance to give away his candy for the Baukugan.

J was very much into the iTunes gift card. He negotiated for 20 pieces of candy and then happily handed the rest over.

M reluctantly gave up most of his candy for the iTunes card, he didn’t fight it, but he wasn’t over the moon over it either. (Do you blame him? He’s 15 and does not have diabetes.)

But B. My dear boy B, didn’t want anything to do with it. He wanted his candy, and there was nothing he was willing to trade for it.

Talk about my plan backfiring.

So I had to pull out the tough love. It eventually came down to me telling him he was only going to be able to keep (J's negotiation of) 20 pieces…"So here are the gifts, now pick out your favorites and hand me over the bag. "

B had some tears as he handed it over, but weirdly enough less than 2 minutes later he was laughing and happy as all get out. He was opening his Pokémon cards and had a huge smile. He gave me a kiss and a hug and it was like all the tough love I handed out didn’t happen.

Another reason Halloween rocked for me?

L wore a costume that M, J and B had worn in the past.

B wore a costume that M and J had worn in the past.

M was a secret agent and wore his suit, sunglasses and an earpiece. (All things we had on hand.)

J and Lawton were the only two I bought for. They wore matching Hot Dog costumes.
Easy peesy lemon squeezy.

I know I sound like a lazy mom right now…but when you are caught up in the October blahs…which haunt me EVERY YEAR…simplifying seems to make everything better.

Halloween was awesome!

My sister in law thinks this Halloween was amazing for me because I finally decorated for the holiday, which pushed me to get into the spirit of things. But I know better.

I wasn’t overwhelmed. I wasn’t running around like a chicken with my head cut off…I was able to just enjoy.

Which every mom knows…is a blessing for sure.

(A pic of the three youngest in front of my inlaws house. Sorry, I didn't get a pic of M this year. Sad! I totally know!)

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The World Series. It reminds me of...

Around our household…we have been glued to the TV the past few weeks. We have been cheering. We have been wincing. We have been clutching onto each other with dear life.

Reminds me of the Diabetes roller coaster we ride every day.

We have watched a group of characters capture our hearts. Each team member with a distinct personality. Each player uniquely important to the game. Each one contributed to the win.

Reminds me of some of the Type 1 Players in my family.

Lincecum, AKA the freak! Brian Wilson, FEAR THE BEARD! The curve balls, the strikes, the foul balls. The wild pitches!

Reminds me of the twists and turns of our life as we bolus the boys and check their blood sugars throughout the day.

Four wins and one loss. It was close. Each game had its good plays and its bad plays. There were saves and there were errors, but the Giants…they buckled down and pulled through.

Reminds me of the ups and downs with D. We win some blood sugar battles and we lose some. BUT we win more than we lose, and that keeps us going.

Cody Ross batting average: .294 Buster Posey’s on base percentage: .354 Juan Uribe’s Slugging Percentage: .167

Reminds me of an interesting blood sugar night we had after some pizza last week.

MVP. Edger Renteria. He sat on the bench because of injuries for 4 months this season. He was counted out by so many. But when it counted…when he was needed the most…he shined!

Reminds me of each one of my boys. They may have to sit out sometimes, but when they are needed the most they contribute, and their contributions are always momentous!

The San Francisco crowd! They cheered until they were blue in the face. With one voice they howled for the victories, cried in the defeats…but NEVER lost faith in their team. They believed in every one of the players. They were loyal to the end, and will continue to be loyal as long as there are Giants to cheer for!

Reminds me of the DOC. We will always have each other’s backs. We will support each other, and believe in each other, and cheer on each other until the game is won.

If a cure comes along…I hope there are hours and hours of play by play interviews with the people that worked so hard for it, and with the people who have sat in the seats of Diabetes Stadium…and LIVED through the craziness of the game.




P.S. Speaking of gamers, here is a list of all the other T1 Mamas that I know of, who are participating along with me in NoBloPoMo. It would be great if you could cheer them on too!

Kris, Hallie, Jen, Nicole, Lora, Wendy, Tracy, Heather & Sweet Momma.

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I’ve got something to SAE.

To kick off NaBloPoMo I am joining with other DOC bloggers and speaking out for the cause. Sarah came up with this brilliant idea for SAE Day! And I'm sure it's no surprise to all my readers, that I have something to SAE!

So I am dedicating this post to people who don’t understand Type 1 Diabetes. Especially for those who figuratively roll their eyes at Type 1 Diabetes and for those who have uttered, “How is it that big of a deal?” or have lectured, “At least it’s not cancer!”

Well, for you my dear friends, I am putting you in charge of bolusing my son for lunch today. (Bolusing means giving my son insulin. There is a whole new language that comes with this disease.) Come on…it is ONE time. Fix my son up for lunch. It’s no big deal, right? Give it a whirl!

Here is your scenario: (and I promise this is a VERY typical one.I picked the boy with the easiest ratios too, because I don't want to be mean.)

My son calls you at 12:15pm. He has just eaten his lunch and wants to know how much insulin to give himself.

Some information you will need to know:

His blood sugar number was 130 before he ate lunch at 11:50am.

He ate ½ an apple…most of his pretzels, his yogurt and his entire sandwich. He also ate an Oreo that his friend gave him.

He gets 1 unit of insulin for every 20 grams of carbs he eats.

One unit of insulin brings his blood sugar, (or BG) down 100 points. His blood sugar goal for this time of day is 110.

Ready to calculate?

Correction= .2 units. To bring his sugar down the twenty points needed.

Carb bolus= 10g for the ½ apple, 10g for the mostly eaten 15 carbs of pretzels I packed him, 40g for the sandwich, 15g for the yogurt and 5g for the cookie. That is 80g of carbs. 80g Carbs is 4 units of insulin.

So what would you give him? 4.2 units of insulin?

You would be totally wrong.

You don’t have all the information! Yes, his pre lunch BG was 130. But he had snack 1 hour and 40 minutes before that. He had a banana for snack, which was 30g of carbs. So at 10:15 he got 1.5 units of insulin. Insulin stays in your system for 3 hours, the body absorbing about 1/3 of that insulin every hour. So my boy had approximately 0.7 units still on board.

Better subtract that 0.7 units that is still in his system from the 4.2 units you were planning on giving him.

That means you are now going to give him 3.5 units…

STOP! Don’t do it!

More information needed!

He has PE after lunch today. They are doing relay races. Exercise DROPS his blood sugar like a rock.

Better take away a unit of insulin for good measure! (Why 1 unit? I just know that one unit will do the trick. HOW do I know. I can't file away HOW I know it! My brain will explode! I just know it! Instincts are a big part of taking care of a child with diabetes.)

So now, how much insulin are you going to inject into my little boy?

2.5 units.

Better…but ummm…sorry. There is yet another small bit of information you need to take into account. We have been adjusting this boy’s basal rates. (The underlying insulin that his pump delivers to him in small puffs every few minutes throughout the day.) My son has just ended a growth spurt and has been suddenly, for the last two days, dropping like crazy between 1 oclock and three oclock. Since we wait 5 days to establish a pattern, we need to leave his basals as is…and at this moment, we need to adjust for these potentially scary lows.

Better take off another ½ unit to keep him safe. (Yeah, because I said so!)

Final answer: 2 units of insulin needs to be delivered.

And you were going to give him how much? 4.2???

That is 2.2 units of insulin too much. That amount of insulin would have brought his blood sugar down 220 points. Which with all the running around he was doing…would have put his blood sugar number at a negative number.

Yeah, you can’t be alive with a negative number.

But don’t worry! We get to do this again for his afternoon snack! And again at dinner! And again before bed! And again at 1 in the morning, and again at breakfast tomorrow! LOTS and LOTS of practice!

PLUS! I have two other boys I get to do this for every day!

And the variables are never ending! A meal eaten with high fat changes everything. A meal eaten a couple hours earlier with high fat changes everything! A big test at school changes things! A substitute teacher changes things! A small cold changes EVERYTHING! A growth spurt, changes everything! A fieldtrip changes everything! A night of unexplainable highs, changes everything…for the entire day! The weather sometimes even changes everything! EVERYTHING CHANGES EVERYTHING!

I joke around about my swelly brain, but it is more real than I care to admit. The constant cog turning of blood sugar variables can put me over the edge. I am the only one that knows my son’s basals are probably too high in the afternoon. I am the only one who knows that one son’s blood sugars aren’t affected by pasta, and my other son’s sugars go through the roof with pasta. I am the only one who knows that J has PE on B Block days, and he needs less insulin for breakfast those days.

Sure! I share this information with my husband when I can. But here’s the kicker…the information changes every day! Every day I am storing new information I am learning about my boys’ blood sugar trends.

I couldn’t even write it all down if I tried.

And hey, I just tried.

There is so much information stored up in the attic of my brain, your cogs would seriously be sent into a disastrous tailspin if you tried to absorb even a fraction of it. And I’m not trying to be mean or anything.

I’m only able to tolerate the swelliness because I have been slowly acquiring these mountains of information every day for the past 12 years. I have attended this school 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I used to be a student, now I run the place. Sorry…you can’t learn it all in one session.

Worst part is…I don’t know everything there is to know about this disease. Cause, I’m not a pancreas. I am a human being. Unfortunately…

So when you think you are ready to judge even one second of my split second decision about my boys’ health…think again.

Because this disease is impossibly complicated. I spend my life trying to hit a moving target.

And that is all I have to SAE.

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Hallow…. ;P~~~~~~~~~

If you are new around here you might not know that I am not the biggest fan of Halloween….and not in the typical D Mom because-of-all-the candy kinda way. It runs deeper. It mostly has to do with the constant party’s…the nonstop action and the general overwhelmedness I feel in the month of October as a whole.

This year I have tried to take a more holistic approach to it all. I have tried to make peace with the holiday, and thus far I’d have to say I’m doing a bang up job of it.

Except last night I realized tomorrow was costume day at school, and not surprisingly, I was not ready for costumes. Hello, the Giants were kicking butt in the World Series, we had fun friends over, and then it was the season finale of Project Runway, (which I won’t ruin for anyone, but it was a TOTAL joke.)

So costumes last night were the last thing on my mind. Which is kinda an epic fail because I know that MANY of you have had your costumes ready and pressed for a month already. But I put my ½ best foot forward and I think the boys will have something pretty okay to wear today. I was surprised to see my oldest poke his head out of the bathroom this morning. He was wearing his suit, with his hair slicked back, dark sun glasses and an ear piece.

“I totally forgot you were dressing up! What are you again?”

“Sorry Mom, that information is classified.”

At least someone has fun with Halloween around here.

Halloween night I have no problem with the scores of fun sized candy that litters the house, eat up on Halloween night!! I do, however, have a problem with the leftovers. It is the CONSTANT barrage of “Can I eat this now??” If I let one little boy with diabetes eat a candy…they ALL get one. Seriously, it seems as though the stars must align for all three blood sugars to comply with the request. Said boys do not have the patience for this…so I’m really hip on Heidi’s idea this year to buy off some of the leftover candy with gifts.

“You want this pack of Pokemon cards? It’ll cost you 25 pieces of candy.”

“This 10 dollar itunes giftcard? 100 pieces of candy!”

Problem is…I’m not quite sure my boys will fall for it. They live for this holiday. But a Mama’s gotta try…so I’m off to the store today for trinkets. I’ll be sure to report back on how it goes.

I will let you know that I actually decorated a bit for the holiday which is a big accomplishment for me. I even included the boys, and they are over the moon that our house is actually Halloween Festive.

So I’m taking a deep breath here. I’m going to go to the three parties ahead with a smile on my face and a Christmas song in my heart…(because THAT is a holiday I can get into.) And I’m going to mentally gear up for the three birthdays my boys have coming up this month…two of which are next week.

I hope everyone has a happy safe Halloween. Decide how your family is going to deal with the holiday and run with it. Don’t let anyone guilt you into what you aren’t comfortable with…or guilt you out of what you planned. Embrace what you are ready for today, and know that next year things may look completely different for you.

So the holiday race begins!

On your mark!

Get set!

WAIT!!

I forgot to tell you to save your Thousand Grand Bars and Peanut Butter Cups for me. :)

Okay...GO!

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Cleaning house.

I have a few things to clean up around here…and then I’ll be back to my normal, (whatever that is) blogging thing.

First, I want to announce yesterdays winner. It was really close…the child that could fart on demand was a close second…but the winner is:

DENISE from My Sweetest Boy!

This is what her cutie 5 year old said about himself…

"I keep doing things that hurt and that makes me stronger. I have big muscles. I can pick up Grace (classmate), Mercy (her sister), Drew (his lil brother) and the pumpkins....and Drew's gator. That's all. and I'm a Dare-Devil! Hehe"

It was the word Dare-Devil and the giggle at the end that put him on top.

Denise, your drinks will be on their way to you shortly! Please email me your address to ourdiabeticlife (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Thank you to everyone who participated!

Next I want to remind you all that this is the last day to enter Kris’ Sugar Bolus. Click HERE to enter to win a beautiful awareness bracelet. Here is an example on one you can choose….OHH! Is is so pretty!



Also, remember my letter to Target?? Well, my good friend Rick sent my letter into Target Corporate Headquarters. Here is the response he got back:

We're always looking for ways to improve your shopping experience. Hearing about the cell phone reception in the store is important to us. I've documented your thoughts and comments, which will be shared with our Store Operations team for further review. It's just one way we can keep working to provide you with the experience you've come to expect at Target.

If you ever have concerns during your visit, please visit the Guest Service Desk and ask to speak with the Guest Service Team Leader. They'll make every attempt to resolve the issue during your visit.

We appreciate your feedback because it helps make Target even better.

Sincerely,

Melina
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com
(800) 440-0680

I have to say it was nice to receive a response that wasn't from a robot. I think I got my message across, and I plan to contact my local Target and let them know my concerns. I love that place! Can I just tell you how happy I am that they responded so quickly and so kindly! Go Target!

Lastly, I wanted to let all ya all know that I will be participating in NaBloPoMo for November. That means I will be blogging EVERY DAY and hello! It might be a bit overwhelming! (For your in box and for my swelly brain.) But it is important to me to participate in the discussion…and advocate for diabetes the only way I know how…with my words. November just happens to be Diabetes Awareness month, and is the month that we celebrate World Diabetes Day! So thank you in advance for bearing with me. Your support means the world to me. If you can’t read them all…its all good.

Fair warning anyway. :)

So there you have it! Doesn’t my blog look shiny and clean? We maybe it looks the same…but my brain is smiling. Kinda like this:

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How is your KidStrong?

Last month I was sent a box of KidStrong Hydration Beverages to try out with the boys. I was really excited to try them as they were only about 10 carbs each and full of all sorts of good stuff.

Here is a quote from the information packet I received:

“KIDStrong is scientifically-formulated with all the vitamins and nutrients that kids require to live a healthy, active, and productive lifestyle. Unlike other “sports drinks” on the market, KIDStrong contains no artificial flavors, sweeteners, or preservatives. It also contains no stimulants and is low in sugar.”

Hello! How can I as a mother not want to try this stuff?

After a hot day at school the kids came home parched and ready to drink. I had them all sit to “taste test” the product and give me their reviews. I was sent three flavors, Clearly Fruit Punch, Clearly Orange and Clearly Grape.

Their reviews were mixed. J didn’t like any of them. Especially the fruit punch flavor. He said he wouldn’t want to drink these again.

L liked them. Each flavor got the, “It’s ok.” And when asked if he would want to drink it again, he said, “yeah sure.” Not enthusiastic or anything…but positive.

B on the other hand LOVED them. He loved all the flavors and has asked for them several times after the tasting. When he was ill with strep throat, they were what he preferred to drink. That was a relief. He didn’t want to eat or drink anything…EXCEPT the KIDStrongs. It gave me some peace of mind too…he was being hydrated and I knew it wasn’t full of all the gunk other hydration drinks have to offer.

So mixed reviews, but a big hit with B none the less. I recommend you give them a try and see if your kiddo would be on board with them. Look out for them, more and more stores are picking them up. If I were to recommend a flavor to you, it would be Grape. Surprisingly, my boys have never had grape flavored beverages, and all three that participated in my taste test ranked grape the highest. I think the flavor is the most muted of them all. Fruit punch is fairly strong…and in J’s words, “tastes a lot like cough syrup.” (And I have to say, I wasn't a fan of fruit punch either.)

To find out more about this product, please visit there website here. A lot of thought went into this drink. A healthy low sugar/low carb way to hydrate our kiddos. Kudos to them for their efforts!

I’m curious to know what others think of this. So I am going to do a mini giveaway. Leave a post TODAY telling me why your kid is so strong, and I will have my boys read the entries at the END OF TODAY. (That only gives you until 8:00pm Pacific Standard Time tonight to leave a comment.) I’ll let the boys pick their favorite comment and that person will be sent a sample pack of KIDStrong Hydration Beverages! I'll post the winner tomorrow, so stay tuned!

So tell me friends…why are your KIDStrong? I know, pretty obvious question, but humor me anyway. :) (And remember who your audience is. Three boys, ages 12, 8 and 6. :)

Good luck! And thank you KIDStrong for letting us sample your product!

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An open letter to Target.

Dear Target,

I am one of the many faces you will frequently find walking around your stores. I probably don’t stick out. I am pretty boringly normal when it comes to my looks. I am 5’4” tall. I am blond. I am tired. I am a mom to four boys. I am also one of your most loyal customers. I drive fully 20 miles to go to your store at least once a week and I fought the city council in our “no big box store” town to get you here. They say you are coming…I’ll believe it when I see it.

Anyway…back to my original intent. I’m writing you for a reason, and I’m just going to come right out with it...

Why the hell can’t I get cell phone service in your store?

What is up with that??? I may LOOK like every other customer, but underneath all this normalness is the swelly brain of a mother who has three boys with Type 1 Diabetes. Because of the inner uniqueness, it is imperative that my boys be able to reach me AT. ALL. TIMES. I am not exaggerating when I say that it may even be a matter of life or death. I cannot be shut off from the rest of world for even one minute.

So why??? Why??? must the signal be lost by the time I reach aisle two at every single Target store I have visited north of the Golden Gate?

I’m not expecting you to fully understand all the nuances of being a parent to type 1’s…but because of the predicament you have put me in, I am forbidden to step foot inside your stores at certain times of the day. Between 9:50am and 10:15am. Between 11:40am and 12:00pm. Between 12:20pm and 12:40pm. That is pretty much my entire morning. These are the times of day my boys call me to check in with their blood sugar numbers. I tell them how much insulin to give themselves; I count the carbs they get for their snack and their lunch. These are jobs only I can do, as the wonderful state of California doesn’t think it necessary to have a nurse at our school for more than 4 hours, one morning a week.

Besides these scheduled times of day, my boys check their blood sugars whenever they feel the need. What if I enter your store at 9:00am, and one of my boys feels a dangerous low blood sugar and tries to get hold of me by cell…and I’m (gasp!) PASS aisle 2! That would be a bad predicament for sure!

Now, maybe there aren’t enough Type 1 parents in your customer block to make a change in your cell service blockage…that is ok…because I submit it hinders your sales even to those who aren’t tethered to their type 1 children.

What about business people who need to be available for important calls? They won’t be stopping by during their lunch hour. What about wives who want to call their husbands for their OK on a big ticket item for Christmas? They will leave without the product because they couldn’t reach said spouse. What about the husband who was sent to the store to buy one specific item, and needs verification he is grabbing the right thing. I have NOT bought a ton of things because I couldn’t reach a family member to make sure that item was the one that they needed.

No cell service HURTS your business!

I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but…

I get cell service in Costco.

I get cell service in ALL the grocery stores too…Safeway, Albertsons AND G&G.

I have even had to step foot in Walmart…and guess what? Three bars.

Why oh why oh why can I not get cell service in the bowels of ANY Target store???

Help a tired D Mama out!

Help yourselves!

Help me help you.

Please, make cell service available in all Target stores!

Sincerely,

Meri…who just happens to be at this very moment…quite contrary.

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Strengthening our armor.

Another child has passed away from Dead in Bed Syndrome. I cannot tell you how much I hate typing those words. I almost want to say I refuse to ever type those words again.

I won’t let those words take away my sanity.

I’m so angry right now, I want to revolt! I will not let diabetes capture the only bit of sanity I have left. It can’t have it! I will fight it! I will not let the fear fester in me. I will push it down…way way down to my feet. I will walk heavier today…but I will walk with my chin held high.

No diabetes…you can’t make me worry more.

No diabetes…you can’t make me cry anymore today. I am stopping NOW.

Instead I will look at my children and thank the Lord that they are laughing, crying, fighting and whining! I will count my blessings today. I will kneel and pray for comfort for this family, and know that their daughter is now perfect. Their daughter does not have diabetes anymore. I am thankful that I know of heaven and what awaits us there. I will concentrate on the love that the Lord has for us…and I will concentrate on my children and the love I have for them.

I will hug them tighter today.

I will probably kiss them a few times…even with a “married kiss” as L calls it. (That is what he calls a peck on the lips.)

I will move forward. I will stick my tongue out to diabetes today. You can’t have me. You cannot have my confidence and turn it into fear of the unknown.

Fear can suck it.

I will not fear!

I will move forward… I will put one foot in front of the other, and when my children go to bed tonight I will not think of what “could” happen. I won’t let it eat me alive as it has so many times before.

I’m stuffing it. I’m tossing it. I’m drop kicking that fear to the moon.

Today we need to stand tall. We need to be strong. We need to pray for this family. Cry and then stop crying. We need to move forward as an army of parents and let diabetes know that it can’t have us.

Diabetes can take our time.

Diabetes can take our plans and throw them out the window.

But diabetes cannot have our heart. It cannot take away our resolve to move forward.

We will be vigilant. And we will fight the fear. Because that is what parents of children with diabetes do. We fight it every day. We just need to fight a bit harder today. We need to strengthen our armor and sharpen our swords. We need to pray in this armor for peace and the strength to move forward.

God bless this family who lost their daughter. God bless the thousands and thousands who mourn for her loss today. God bless the people who have Type 1 Diabetes and their families.

May we find solace in our faith.

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I want you to know something.

There are a few things I want you to know.

I want you to know, when your daughters pump ran out of insulin within the first hour of school last week…I have felt that very same anger and embarrassment that you did.

I want you to know, when your baby wets his bed at night from a high blood sugar…I have felt the same sadness, guilt, and love for my son that you do.

I want you to know, when you forget to bolus your child for dinner, and their bedtime number is 508. I have felt the very same shame and intense regret.

I want you to know, when you take out your daughters set and there is a bleeder, I have felt the same horror and sheer panic that you are experiencing at that same moment.

I want you to know, when your son goes to a friends for a sleep over…I know you have to actively push the worry and anxiety away or you would be camped out in your car outside the house…because I have had to do that too.

I want you to know, when you have had a long night and you see the mountain of bloody test strips and apple juice containers…I have felt that deep sadness you had in your heart. I didn’t want this for my children either.

I want you to know when your child has high blood sugars for DAYS…I know the pure frustration of it all. I know the anger and the helplessness that you are feeling.

I’m tired too.

I want you to know, when there is an extreme low, and your child is sitting with a blank look in front of you, barely able to speak…I have been there. I have felt the confusion, the panic and the deep worry that you have in your heart.

I want you to know that I stand in the doorway to watch my children breath in the morning too.

I want you to know that I worry about my oldest being diagnosed. I know you worry about your non diabetic children too.

I want you to know that I wonder if my children will hate me one day for all I have put them through. And even though they say they don’t blame me…I still worry about it. I know you do too sometimes.

I want you to know; when your child hasn’t been invited to anyone’s house to play…I know it isn’t fair either.

I want you to know, when your child put her set in for the first time on her own, and you thought you would burst from pride…I have felt the exhilaration of that pride too.

I don’t recognize myself in the mirror either.

I want you to know, that even though I have been to too many endo appts to count…I still get a stomach ache days before. I want you to know I am hard on myself too.

I want you to know, when your child calls you from school, and asks to eat a “surprise” birthday cupcake, and you say yes…I have held my breath too, hoping I have guessed the carbs correctly.

I want you to know I check my sugar whenever I have to pee twice in a two hour period. I wonder if you do that too?

When I see a person in the store with a pump, I want to run up and talk to that person too. Okay…I want to hug them too.

I want you to know, when your alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you want to throw your alarm clock out the window…I have been there. I have SO felt that.

I want you to know that when I hear of another child diagnosed, I feel anger towards this disease. It brings back too many memories, and makes my heart completely break in half for this newly diagnosed family. I know you feel that way too.

Remember when you walked around like a zombie with dry food on your shirt, and no makeup on for two days? I did that too!

I want you to know, when my child expresses any anger towards this disease, I feel guilty…almost like it is my fault. Even though I know there is nothing I could have done to stop all this…I wish I could take it away too.

I want you to know that I feel conflicted about all of this too. I hate diabetes. I am bizarrely thankful for diabetes. I know it has brought good into our life…but at the same time, diabetes can still suck it.

I want you to know that I secretly wish for a cure too. And even though I tell everyone I don’t expect one…I do.

I want you to know…when you think you can’t go one more day. When you think you can’t check one more sugar, or give one more shot, or tell your child “no” one more time…I have been in that place. I have had days just like that.

I want you to know that I cry in the shower too sometimes. I cry to sad songs on the radio and spend too many days with cry headaches too.

I want you to know that when I read that a child has passed away from Type 1…my breath is taken away too. I want to scream too. I hold my children closer too.

Our pharmacy is a nightmare too.

I want you to know, that the mom at your son’s school...the one who judges everyone and makes you feel awful…she goes to my boys’ school too.

When emotions run high, or low…or upside down...I want you to know I have felt all the craziness too.

I want you to know after the third diagnosis I went through a deep depression for 8 months. But now I’m on the other side of that. If you are depressed, you will come out on the other side too.

I want you to know, that I started this blog for me…and now I want you to know I write it now just as much for you.

Because more than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone.

I want you to know, that even though we are very different, and even though we may not have been friends otherwise…I worry for you. I care about you. I will always support you.

I want you to know that I will always be here for you.

When you feel alone and like no one understands? I understand. We understand. The Mothers and Fathers and the PWD of the DOC are here for you.

If you think you are alone on this roller coaster of numbers…look at those blog buttons on the side of my blog. Look at that obscenely long blog list I have under the blog buttons. We are there too…puking, screaming, crying, laughing and holding on for dear life.

We may be so different, but our hearts are the same.

You are a parent of a child with diabetes…and I am too.

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Groundhog Day…in October.

So it started out pretty innocently. B was 327 before bed. Considering B has been on the low side of normal at bedtime for the last three months, I took it as a fluke and corrected him. He had just had a bath disconnected from his pump. Crazier things have happened. (PS This was the same night my husband was out of town, and I had to change L’s set myself…leading to the previous post, So can I.)

So anyway. High number. Correct. Done and Done.

Well two hours later…327. Again. HMMMMM…weird. I’m tired. Correct. Done and done??

Two hours later…317. He moved. I’m obviously stupid or something because I correct and go back to sleep.

Two hours later…321. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ok! I get the hint. It is four in the morning and something isn’t right. So since I was delirious with exhaustion…and was due to get up in one hour, I gave him a shot. My brain was not in the zone enough to do an entire set change.

4:00am: Gave him a shot. Corrected. Done and Done!!

5:00am: He is 258. FINALLY! We have entered back into the earth’s stratosphere! Sa-weet!

7:00am: Wake up B. He is 52. Wow, I’m really doing a bang up job today. Who has the mom of the year trophy on their shelf? Send it my way. I’ve so earned it after this night.

But I’m not done yet! I’m on a roll! I make another stupid a** decision.

I changed B’s set…but did not change out the reservoir. He still has A LOT insulin in there people. Throwing out insulin in this house is like throwing out a solid gold bar. You just don’t do it.

I DID go to prime and enter in a half unit. I lifted the ring up to the light and saw that indeed, the insulin was coming out! New inset…insulin coming out. HELLO! It should be good right??!

So then I make stupid a** decision number one million. I decide to not give him insulin for breakfast, and just to correct his number as he is walking out the door. Where do I come up with this stuff? He was…SURPRISE!! 307. (Why Oh why did I do this? I have never done this before. What was wrong with me!)

Writing this is embarrassing friends. The string of stupid decisions run long and deep here.

So I correct that number instead of blousing for breakfast and get a call at snack announcing the number of…you won’t believe it, well, at this point you probably will…327. (It is at this time I am wondering if it is Groundhog Day. Haven’t I seen this number before???)

So the insanity continues as I think, “Meri, you under bolused him for breakfast. He will correct and he will be fine. “ So I tell him…correct and check in an hour. If you are still high, I’ll come get you.

One hour later. High.

Yes. HIGH. He is so high…there is no number to display.

So mom of the year, who was nakie when she answered the call because she had to jump out of the shower to get it, said…”I will be there in 20 minutes. DON’T EAT LUNCH!”

I FINALLY get there. I sign him out in the office and tell the secretary there was some sort of pump problem. He’s high and I’m taking him home to get things under control. So the secretary asks me how high he was.
“High.”

“Yeah, but what was the number?”

“Too high to register.”

At the very same moment her mouth fully dropped to the floor, B walked in the office door and I instantaneously swung around and shot him in the arm with the four units of insulin from the syringe in my hand.

I smiled and walked out. She was still a statue…dumbfounded, trying to register the fact that B was that high.

You would think he would be pale. You would think he would be feeling sick. But there he was, bouncy happy B.

“You’re probably not hungry for your lunch anyway.” I said.

“No,” said B. “You’re right; I don’t want my ham sandwich. I would rather have a burger.”

Wonderful!

Guilt makes mama’s do crazy things. So I got him that burger and as we sat down to eat I reflected over the day. Every decision I made…was one that I wouldn’t normally make. What was happening to me? I am a smart woman. I am an okay pancreas. What was I thinking?

Whatever it was…I sat eating that burger with my son who was still in the 400’s and decided that was my last bad decision of the day. And it was.

He came down quickly. That four units was twice the amount he needed to come down, so I knew that all would be ok. But I wanted to get this all down on my blog to let you all know…that Our Diabetic Life is not all unicorns and rainbows. We have stupid days around here like everyone else. Unfortunately, this stupid day was brought to you exclusively by my laziness and my stupidity.

In my defense, I’m pretty sure when my husband leaves on business trips…he takes my brain with him.

I don’t know how he does it.

But as any good wife would tell you, I’ve decided it’s all his fault. He should know better than that.

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So can I.

I remember the very first shot I had to give.

I hated it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My husband was so cool about it all. If he was scared, he didn’t show it. He grabbed that needle and bam, done. I on the other hand, had to give my first shot into an orange, then a couple more practice ones into my husband’s arms. The emotions ran through me like a wild fire. I couldn’t douse the fear. I couldn’t stop the anger, the sadness, the confusion…I was sure I would poke him too hard. I was sure I would do it wrong. I dreaded that bubble of insulin that would sometimes rise out of the needle hole in J's flesh. He got such a small amount of insulin…who knows how much of his dose that bubble held?

How could I do this? How could I hurt my baby multiple times a day? At the time it seemed impossible. I was sure he would grow up hating me. It all seemed so surreal.

Ten thousand shots later…we got the pump. By then I was desensitized. Shots were nothing to me. It helped that my baby was a veritable Mighty Mouse. He was stronger than me. He accepted his lot before I did. It was his acceptance and his strength that helped me succumb to the numbness. If he could live without complaining…so could I.

I don’t think I’ve ever thanked J for that.

So here we are 12 years later and tonight I had to insert a new pump site into L. His came off after his bath and my husband was out of town.

My husband is the go to site changer. I’m only the back-up these days.

And thank goodness for that…

Because tonight, after I shot my son with that ridiculously long needle…every one of those emotions I had 12 years ago came flooding back. L’s face spoke novels of pain. He twisted his mouth to hide as much as he could. He didn’t want me to feel bad, but I knew what I had done.

“I really hurt you, didn’t I?”

“Pretty much yes,” said L. “But I still love you Mom.”

How do I do it? How do I get through?

It’s all them. If they can go to bed at night NOT cursing this disease, so can I.

If they can go through the day with no bitterness of the fate life has thrown at them, so can I.

Diabetes is their disease. They refuse to give it more power than it deserves.

I have to let them live without the hate. I can’t foster it in them. I can’t light fires of discontent.

I will continue to let them lead me, because somehow my children teach me more than I could ever teach them. The brightness of their examples will always be the light barreling through my dark days and my sleepless nights.

They are wiser than me.

They are stronger than me.

They are stronger than diabetes.

Which made me realize, as I looked into the resolute, teary blue eyes of my 6 year old tonight…I want to be like my boys when I grow up.

If they can do it...so can I.

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Brain Rebellion.

Ummmm…I’ve got a bit of a problem.

I think my brain is turning on me.

I mean the swelly-ness of it is one thing…but now it is playing tricks on me…and this mama ain’t laughin’.

This past couple weeks I have found myself doing things I would NEVER do. N-E-V-E-R!

Specifically, I have been messing with my alarm, and waking up with no memory of said messing.

Confused?

Long story short: It all begins with the fact that I have become a snoozer. A snooze-a-holic if you will. When my 1:30am alarm goes off…I snooze. It is a given.

It wasn’t always that way. In our old house the alarm clock was kept across the room, NOT on my side table. We did this purposely so we would HAVE to get up when the alarm went off. And since we were already up to turn off the alarm…we stayed up to check sugars.

But NOW I am taking it to the next level. In our new house the alarm is by our bed. So when it goes off, I snooze. Again and again I snooze. Apparently, I snooze so much that my brain goes nuts and (here comes the kicker) TURNS IT OFF! Lately, I have been waking up around 4:30 or 5:00 in a total panic.

Do I remember turning it off? NOPE.

Would I EVER EVER EVER turn it off if I was in my right mind? NOPE.

Brain rebellion…it isn’t pretty.

When I do wake up, and I see Lawton lying by my bed, I know there is a problem. If Lawton is there…the boys are low. He used to wake me, but who knows what my rebellious brain is doing these days. Do you think I’m rolling over? Do you think I’m ignoring him? What the heck!

It is happening a lot. So much so I’m going to have to move my alarm across the room again.

SIGH. Seriously…you should have heard the sigh I just let out.

I have officially turned into an alarm-turning-off fool! And don’t tell me it’s ok. I CANNOT miss a night of checks. My boys’ numbers are running on the lower end of normal…I LOVE it that way. I like keeping them in beautiful ranges while they sleep…that means half of the battle is won! They are cusping on perfect numbers, the kind of numbers that need to be watched closely. If they inch south even a tiny bit I need to intervene! Sure, keeping them this way is MY choice. I could dial basals back and let them run higher, but seriously, why mess with perfection??? I know…and you know…that these kinds of numbers do not last forever. I must hold onto them while I can. One growth spurt, one illness…one more jump onto the puberty steam train, and the fun ends.

So goodbye snooze button.

We have had some good times. I considered you a friend, really. But we can’t be BFF’s anymore. My boys are too important.

Adieu…sweet snooze button…Adieu.

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A Very Meri World.

Happy No D Day!

Ok, I’m not a proponent of Dictatorships or anything…but I often have fantasies of ruling the world. Let’s face it, if I ruled the world …good things would happen. I understand I don’t have magic powers or anything, so the changes I would make would be TOTALLY practical…take a looksie…

* Certain Medical supplies that may or may not have to do with the D word would cost 1 penny each. (OK, I’m already starting with my mind on the D word…so I’ll leave the things I would change in regards to that for another day.)

* If you don't stop completely at a four way stop…or if you don’t wait your turn…I would install spikes that would come up out of the ground and pop your tires.

* No road work, no paving, and no construction would be allowed during the hours of 8-9am when kids are being brought to school by wonderful parents who only want to get their children there ON TIME.

* Three’s a crowd would be law at every grocery, Costco and Target store. No lines longer than 3 people, PERIOD!

* Speaking of Target, there would be one in every town.

* Politicians could not say ONE bad thing about the person they are running against. They could only talk about themselves and what they bring to the table. Furthermore, during debates there would be practical TIMED exercises that would show the public if the politicians could even do the job they were running for. For example, if they were running for California Legislature, they would be required to show us they could balance their OWN flippin’ check books.

* I would make sure that Rosie the Robot was invented immediately, along with air tubes that take you from one place to another. (Which I understand makes my no road work rule null and void, but I know Rosie and Air Tubes will take a bit of time…I told you I was going to be practical.)

* Products would have to do what they are advertised to do. And they would have to work as well as their commercials imply.

* I would impose a decree that every day, at 8:00pm, parents would have to tell their child/children that they love them and list off reasons why they think their children are wonderful.

* People who do things with the intent to kill their children…such as withholding lifesaving medicine…would not get 6 years in jail…they would get automatic life sentences.

* Stirrup pants would be banned.

* Jerry Springer and Geraldo Rivera would be forced into retirement.

(hmmm…I’m getting a little mean now…I’ll try to back off.)

* I would un-cancel The Unusuals.

* Classes on empathy would be a pre-requisite for any job in the medical, educational or pharmaceutical professions.

* Properly trained Service dogs would be everywhere…even if the service they are providing is happiness.

* And I’m pretty sure I would get rid of Thursdays. I’m still mulling that one over…

This is just the stuff I have rattled off from the top of my head. Imagine if I actually had TIME to think of more! The possibilities would be endless!

So what would you do? Anything pop into your head while you were reading through my insanity?

Let me know…I’m now keeping a running list.

Just in case…you know…I take over the world or whatever.

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Three fer one.

You get three posts in one today! Are not you the luckiest blog readers ever?

Okay, maybe luckiest is stretching it…but you are for sure the greatest blog readers ever!

(Have I buttered you up enough to read to the end?)

BLOG POST #1.

To start off, Cindy at Eaten Alive started a mail exchange with the T1 Kiddos in the community. Can I just tell you what a brilliant idea this is? My boys LOVE mail. I think every kid LOVES mail. And to get a small gift in the mail too? Well, there was almost some pants wetting around here…it was THAT exciting.

B was matched up with L. L is Shannon’s Daughter from the blog Neurotic City. Before I show pics, I’m going to rat Shannon out and tell you she has red hair. Hello! Did you know that! Joanne, there is another fiery red head on the block! She sent me last years Christmas card, and her family is gorgeous. Thought enquiring minds would want to know…

Anyhoo…L sent B some gifts and a couple pics of herself. Here is the evidence…




Thank you L for your awesome gift and your sweet note!

Next, my L was matched up with none other than Joe, Reyna’s son at Beta Buddies! This was huge. Right off the bat, Joe was L’s new BFF. He couldn’t wait to get something in the mail from him. Sure enough the package came…I’ll let the pictures tell the story…



Ummm…yeah. His FAVORITE thing in the world, Bakugan! He kept saying how RARE this one was…he kept saying how AWESOME this one was. He has carried it around like a trophy ever since. In fact yesterday before school he couldn’t find where he left it, and refused to leave for school until it was found.

Thank you Joe! You made L’s day! Heck! You made his month!

Post #2.

Do you all know what a “SUGAR BOLUS” is? I know you have seen the words splashed around some of the blogs, but I wanted to clarify for those of you who are a bit confused.

Wendy at Candy Hearts started the Sugar Bolus. Every Friday a new blog begins a giveaway. If you would like to host a giveaway…you can find the sign up sheet HERE. It can be ANYTHING! ANYTHING you love. The giveaway doesn’t have to be diabetes related, heck if you crotchet, then you could make a blanket and GIVE IT AWAY! (No! I’m not planting crotchet giveaway seeds in someones brain! OK, maybe I am…I LOVE things like that!) So, don’t be shy…go sign up!!

This week’s giveaway is hosted by Misty at Life is Like A Box of Chocolates!

Go CHECK IT OUT...HERE!! It is a good one! A REALLY good one!

POST #3 comin’ at you NOW!


Tomorrow is NO D DAY. When you blog…you are not supposed to blog about diabetes. The blogging community is taking a day off from D! HOLLA! Blog about YOU. Blog about something else! Yup, there are other things in life worth blogging about. I know it was a total shocker to me too!

Now go on, and sign up for Misty’s giveaway. You never know…it might be your week to win!

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Tag! My boys are it!

Heidi and Jack from D-Tales started this great MeMe for our awesome kids. They tagged Tracy and the Superhero from the Superhero and the Princesss. Tracy passed it on to Reyna and Joe from Beta Buddies, who then gave it to Kris and Bumble Bee at Our Sugar Bugs. Kris tagged me and my boys.

So here were go!

What is your name?

B: “B”
J: “J”
L: “L”

How old are you?

B: “Ummm…eight.”
J: “Twelve, soon to be thirteen.”
L: “Six.”

When were you diagnosed with diabetes?

B: “I think I was five years old.”
J “When we learned I had diabetes I was 8 months old.”
L “Uh I think I was four? Was I four? I was two!? I thought I was four!”

Do you remember what happened when you were diagnosed or how you felt?

B: "Not really.”
J: “Hello, I was 8 months old. No.”
L: “No.”

Do finger pokes or shots [or site insertions/infusion set changes] hurt?

B: “No, not really.”
J: “No.”
L: “No.”

What is a high number?

B: “300 and up.”
J: “299 and up.”
L: “378.”

What is a low number?

B: “About 90, and below.”
J: “Under 100.”
L: “71.”

What does low blood sugar feel like?

B: “My legs get wiggly. Sometimes I feel lazy.”
J: “I feel weak and I can’t really think straight.”
L: “It feels like your legs are tired, and your knees are tired. But sometimes it is hard to feel a low.”

What’s your favorite way to treat a low?

B: “Eating a snack of course!”
J: “Apple juice.”
L: “Hmmm…cookies.”

How do you feel when your blood sugar level is high?

B: “Angry, and I need to go pee a lot.”
J: “Angry, I have a headache and I’m thirsty and I have to go to the bathroom.”
L: “Uhhh, well, I drink a lot of water, and I breath out and in a lot.”

What’s the best thing about having diabetes?

B: “Getting Lawton!”
J: “I get my Lala!”
L: “You get an awesome pump, you get to eat carbs, and you get a Lala. HE is the cutest dog, come on!”

What’s the worst thing about having diabetes?

B: “Having to test my sugar all the time.”
J: “That I have to test my sugar ALL the time.” (At this point he isn’t happy his answers are so close to B’s.)
L: “The worst thing, oh, THAT thing…if I was at zero, that would be the worst thing. If I fell down and hurt myself when I was low that would be worst too.”

Do you worry much about diabetes?

B: “ehhh…sometimes.”
J: “No.”
L “Uhh..no.”

If one of your friends were diagnosed with diabetes, what would you say to that friend?

B: "I would say everything is alright. And I’d tell him how to take care of his diabetes.”
J: “It’s not so bad.”
L: “I would tell him I have diabetes too.”

What’s your favorite food?

B: “Ummm…probably…ahhhh…pizza.”
J: “Shrimp Burritos!”
L: “Hmmm…cookies! No, not cookies, mashed potatoes with gravy!”

What’s your favorite snack?
B: “Apple chicken sausage.”
J: “Sausage. Chicken Pineapple…ahh…that is my favorite. Any kind with pineapple.”
(Can you tell what we had for our afterschool snack today?)
L: “Granola bars!”

What’s your favorite low-carb food?

B: “Fish.”
J: “Omi’s fish.”
L: ((Eyebrows furrowed.)) “Cookies!” (We need to work on that one! I asked him if cookies have carbs and he said yes. So then I asked him to give me a favorite food with NO carbs and he said chicken.)

Do you know what a blog is?

B: “Like, somewhere where people write what is happening.”
J: “A blog is a big website that people can go to as they wish to catch up on whatever the creator of the blog writes.”
L: “Blog? What is that? No.”

Do you know that I blog about diabetes?

B: "yeah.”
J: “Yes.”
L: “No.”

Do you care?

B: “Not really.”
J: “Not really.”
L: “No. I don’t even know what it is!”

Why do you think I blog about diabetes?

B: "So everyone knows how I am doing, and they can give me advice.”
J: “To help people who have kids with diabetes, so they don’t have to go through the same stress you did. And it’s fun for you.” :)
L: “To meet new pen pal friends.” (Hi Joe, :)

What’s your biggest wish?

B: “To have a swimming pool.”
J: “5 more wishes.”
L: “Oh, having a swimming pool.”

Who’s your best friend?

B: "My friend is (A boy from school).”
J: “A boy from school.”
L: “A boy from school.” (I don’t use MY boys names, so I thought I better not use theirs.)

What do you like about him/her/them?
B: “He is funny, sporty, and always nice to me.”
J: “He is really nice and funny.”
L: “Uhh, he is awesome.”

What’s your favorite thing to do?

B: “Probably, playing handball.”
J: “Video games and biking with my dad.”
L : “Bike ride.”

Do you have a hero?

B: “No.”
J: “Yes, Dad.”
L: “Yes, J.”

What do you want to be when you grow up?

B: “I want to be a baker. No, not a baker. Probably, an astronaut.”
J: “I want to be in sales like dad.”
L: “I want to be a teacher.”

Who’s your favorite person in the whole wide world?

B: “My family.”
J: “Does it have to be one person? Ummm…my family.”
L: “Oh that, why do I have to say this again? J!”

Are you afraid of anything?

B: “I’m a little afraid of heights.”
J: “Huge giant spiders crawling on me and snakes that are not in cages.”
L: “Yeah. I’m afraid of bats.”

Fill in the blank. (Your name) is___________. There is no right or wrong answer.
B: “Really nice.”
J: ((DEEP THOUGHT)) “Hungry.”
L: “A boy! “


Thank you B, J and L, for taking time to answer these. Now we are going to pass this one on to one of my favorite D Mama Peeps in the world, Lora and her son Justin at My Diabetic Child!

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Drama for the Mama?

It is a pattern with me. You would think I would catch on.

I begin the school year in defensive mode.

Teachers don’t get it.

I get offended.

And the conversations we have only end in me wanting to fall into a fetal position and cry.

Last week when I was picking up the boys from school early for their endo appointment, I got a call from L’s teacher telling me he was low. I was in the office and told her I would be right there.

When I got to the class the kids were running off to lunch and she began what I perceived to be a big tirade about the big swing in blood sugar he had that day.

At snack he was 329. VERY unusual. He had the same breakfast he has EVERY Wednesday. My sister in law picks the boys up at 7:00 on Wednesdays and my mother in law makes them the same scrambled eggs, with the same toast and the same jam. She gives him pretty much the same bolus every Wednesday and as a result his number is usually pretty spot on. But that day, there is a freakin 329. What ev’. It was a fluke. Well after snack recess he was 225. He went down a hundred points in 20 minutes? Then one and a half hours later he was 64. Well she went on and on about how that big swing affected him that day. “He can’t focus well with such big swings!” she says.

All I could say was he got his insulin just as usual. What do you want me to do? I don’t know why he had this swing! It is the nature of the beast! (GO GO GADGET CLAWS!)

I was so upset.

“Do not judge me!” I thought. “You have no idea how much thought went into those numbers…and how much I obsess over his care. You HAVE NO IDEA!!”

That night I came home and had a few minutes to mentally recap the day.

I realized that I was being very defensive. I might have even cut her off while she was trying to tell me her thoughts. Maybe she wasn’t being as awful as I thought. All three of my other boys had had her in the past. I know she isn’t an awful person. I know she wants the best for the kids. Maybe…maybe, I was taking it all too personally.

So the next day I marched up to her and said, “I’m sorry, you were trying to tell me something yesterday and I didn’t give you a chance to finish.”

I then listened. Purposely letting her tell me everything on her mind. And you know what? She was able to tell me that she felt like she understood a bit of what he goes through. That when she was a girl she was sensitive to her blood sugar and would even pass out sometimes. She said his little body had a lot to deal with during that blood sugar swing, and she was glad she was getting a handle on how it all affects him.

Umm, yeah. She wasn’t yelling at me for not keeping his blood sugars perfect. She was just telling me she is getting a grip on this better…that his swings affect him differently than my other boys. (Which is true…)

So this set the stage for an amazing 504 meeting two days later. It could have been awful, but I let them know right off how much I appreciate them trying to get a handle on my boys needs. I tried to be complimentary and kind. I swore to myself that if I did get offended…I would tell them matter of factly that they had it wrong, and explain to them why. The 504 person went through a couple things she didn’t think belonged, and after I calmly told her why they did…she understood and kept them on.

It is a hard lesson for me to learn. I wrote once that showing other people my boys’ blood sugar numbers is akin to flashing a picture of me naked. What we do is SO personal. I take it to heart when I feel like someone is judging me.

But sometimes…SOMETIMES, I make it worse than it is. I’m raising my hand…I am guilty...SOMETIMES. Sure, some people go too far…some people THINK and say the wrong thing. And to them? God speed, because you will hear this D mom roar!!

I roll that way.

But I have to remember to keep my claws in until I know there is good cause.

Drama for the mama? You betcha!

Peace for the mama? Bring it.

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