Friday, October 7, 2011

The Meri-est world ever!

(Today is NO D DAY. Shhhhh...we're not allowed to talk about anything "D" related. So saddle up. This is going to be an interesting ride!)

Last year on No D Day I contemplated actions I would take if I, "Took over the world or whatever."

This year I would like to add to that list. Not that dictatorships are ok or anything, but let's face it...if I ruled the world, it would be a better place. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest, and HEY! There is an attribute right there, (honestly,) that totally PROVES I would rock this Overlord thing!

Let's get to it! If I ruled the world:

* I would get rid of high fructose corn syrup. I'm pretty sure that stuff has to go for the human race to survive.

* Cars would cost one fixed price. It isn't fair that some people pay less and some people pay more for the same car.

* Dora The Explorer reruns would be GONE. There just would have to be a new one made every day. It has been a good 3 years since we watched it/were obsessed with it, and I was saddened to flip through the channels the other day AND THE VERY SAME EPISODES I'VE SEEN 200,000,000 TIMES ARE STILL PLAYING! Not cool.

* Yo Gabba Gabba...yeah, that one is gone too.

* And speaking of children cartoons: What is up with that show, "Bakugon?" The characters are little flying robot balls that have no mouths. So when they speak their whole bodies have to move. Like a bad imitation of the robot from Lost in Space. ("Danger Will Robinson.") I imitated their moves while the boys were watching TV the other day and realized if we needed to move our entire bodies every time we spoke, we would all be fit and trim. "Speak like you're a Bakugon" might make it onto my edict too. (Buh Bye Weight Watchers!)

* If you are driving, and you merge into a turning lane and you leave the butt of your car in the other lane, people are allowed to hit your car, and you are responsible for damages. (OK, that one is a little mean, but tuck your butt in people!)

* Dog food would have to smell like candy..or roses. Candied roses. Yeah.

* Every Children's Jacket would be required to be manufactured with a HUGE WHITE TAG for the kids to write their names on. Seriously, most of my boys jacket are made with black tags now. Where am I supposed to write their name???

* Good bye Jeggings.

* Stephan Spielberg would have to make every other movie a family feel good/inspirational film.

* Stain resistant carpet would actually be...stain resistant. I know! Brilliant, right?

* Every carrier would offer the iphone. (And for serious, if I were the World Queen/Whatever there would be an iphone 5 out right now.)

* All children under the age of 18 must be in bed by 8:30 pm. I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a good night sleep.

* Before we'd fund the war, we would fully fund our schools. And if there was no money left, well...oops. Schools first. How can we have a good future if we don't raise smarties?

* Cupcakes, bacon and those almond caramel chocolate clusters at Costco...those would go into a bigger section on the food pyramid.

* And last but not least...last year I was contemplating getting rid of Thursdays...this year Mondays would be x'ed out too. I'm sorry. They just have to go.

What would you do to make my monarchy better? I'm open to suggestions. In fact, remind me to put a suggestion box by my Ruler of The World office door...I'd totally be nice that way. I'd probably even read them too! I guess the real question now is, how can you NOT want me to rule the world?

(And just imagine all the great ideas I would have if I were allowed to mention "D!" 'Nuff said!)


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