Our Diabetic Life in summary: Circa 2012

As has become my tradition, every year on the last day of December I post a sampling of my posts throughout the year.  This year has been especially difficult to sift through, but eye opening and healing just the same. As I always implore you, take the ride with me. In January we had our first endo appointment of the year, and my endo looked me straight in the eyes and uttered the same phrase four times.  It was the beginning of something revolutionary for me:  Letting go of the guilt.There has got to be a better way. I've let guilt control me for so long I seriously think my body is deteriorating from it all. The words...

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Driving my life

We are all driving a life around.Mine's an SUV...no it's not economical.  Get over it.My life is big.  There is a lot of information I need to keep with me, so I need the room.  (And besides, my swelly brain needs the headspace, that's for sure.)Steering my life takes concentration and resolve.  Every turn awakes a thousand different senarios that must be problem solved in seconds.  I want to pull it all over.  I want it to stop...but I have to keep moving forward.  Life wasn't meant to be watched from the side of the road.Some days I even put my car in reverse and try to move back to where it was before. ...

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Meri and Bright: A Christmas Journal

Dec. 24,2012 11:00pmI've gotten through Christmas Eve, and I've only cried 4 times.Of course...the day isn't over yet.  Another hour waits patiently in front of me.Ryan is in the front of my mind today.  I miss him.Ok, cried 5 times now."Ryan would think that's hysterical."  "Ryan would love that.""Ryan knew how.""Ryan would understand."   All things that echoed through my mind today. Ryan always insisted on wrapping the presents from Santa.  Last year I remember us laughing so hard our stomachs ached and tears streamed down our faces because we were miserable failures at wrapping.  We were sure the children...

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Looking up

The morning after Ryan's funeral the boys all wanted to go to school.  I'm sure it was their way of coping...trying to put their life back normal.That morning I fed the dog, opened the back door and invited him outside to do his business.  It was September and the warm morning sun felt soothing on my cold face.  I stepped out into the backyard and looked up to the sky.Leaves fell gently from the birch trees and danced around my head.   I closed my eyes for a moment and listened to the rustle of the warm breeze flutter through the branches.  And when I opened my eyes again, squinting at the brightness of the suns...

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May the odds be ever in our favor.

Our Diabetic Life is just one big round of Hunger Games.Diabetes is the head gamemaker.  He is ruthless.  And he keeps the game going no matter how dire the consequences may be.I'm the mentor to my tributes.  I get to watch it all.  I have limited control...my voice is always in my boys ears...But they are out in the arena.  Three of MY boys.Odds?In our favor?Hysterical!If it is a basal race with one...and we spend the entire day chasing highs.  Avoiding lows...zig zagging through the prickly brush of insulin sensitivity.  As soon as we win...as soon as one is safe and finds a cave to huddle up in for the...

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We can be the change.

I think we all remember September 11th like it was yesterday.  Where we were when we first heard of it.  The pang in our gut when we saw the first footage of the towers falling down.I was pregnant with B, and more than anything I was overwhelmed at the thought of bringing a new innocent child into such a cruel, unforgiving world.  I cried anguished tears wondering what kind of future he would have on an Earth filled with so much hate and violence.But you know what?  When he was born a couple months later, and I looked into his sweet amber eyes...it was like his goodness canceled out all the bad.  I brought something...

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