Sunday, September 29, 2013

No why. Just try.

I think part of accepting this lot in our life is accepting that there aren’t always answers to our questions.

I often see people write on group boards questions like: “My daughter ate this many carbs, then did this much exercise and then had a blood sugar of this, only an hour later to have a blood sugar of THIS, that would not move, despite constant blood, sweat and tears on our part.  Can you tell me why?”

The “WHYS?”

They can tear us apart. 

It took me years to figure out that isolated incidences are best left isolated.  Left alone.  Left in the past.

If something happens over and over again, it’s worth investigating for sure…but those out of the blue moments just can’t be cracked sometimes.  I know it’s not fair, and frustrating…but it is what it is.

That’s probably the hardest part of Our Diabetic Life.  Letting go.  Accepting there isn’t always an answer to things.

Just last night I had one of those “What the fructose” moments.  In four hours  I was forced to do four site changes on my youngest.  The first three were kinked at the very tip. 

I’ve done bazillions of these things.  What was I doing different last night?  Seriously, I was furious at myself.

It turns out when I moved to a different box of sets, I was met with success. 

I suspect that the box of sets was defective as the last set change I did three days ago began with a kinked cannula as well.  The other boys had not met with this problem as they have been on the same schedule and pulling from an entirely different box than I was.

Will I ever know for sure?  It could be that my little guy’s belly has some scaring issues.  It could be I didn’t cock the rocket correctly.  It COULD have been a million different things.  And in that moment of internal rage/brokenhartedness/devestation as inserted that FOURTH set…

Yes, I wish I had answers.  (And I know what you're thinking, and no we would not like to try another kind of set please and thank you.)

Instead of getting those answers, I ended up persevering until the problem was solved.

And I realized, a lot of times perseverance is our best answer.

Whatever we are faced with, we just need to keep trying.

Answering questions is stimulating, but dwelling on things that probably have no definitive answer can have consequences.  I mean, no answers means we’ve failed, right?  I know we feel like we are letting our children down when something crazy happens, and our instinct is to find the problem and fix it.  But a lot of times that problem can’t be definitively found.

A lot of times, all we can do is guess.

And do our best.

And try.

And then…move on.

Because if we try to answer all the questions the diabetes universe has to throw at us, (ie: Why did this disease have to happen to us?) we’ll end up in the crazy farm for sure.

No why.  Just try.

That’s my October motto.

Who’s with me?


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