Thursday, May 15, 2014

D Blog Week, Day 4: Help

Today's topic was suggested by yours truly: "Today let’s share what gets us through a hard day.  Or more specifically, a hard diabetes day.  Is there something positive you tell yourself?  Are there mantras that you fall back on to get you through?  Is there something specific you do when your mood needs a boost?"  I kinda went another way with this.  I thought about what I did that helped me get through these past two years the most.  This is what came to mind:

Before I lost Ryan, I never asked anyone for help.  Well, except Ryan.  I never reached out.  I never made suggestions for a night on the town…unless I was with Ryan.

I was born a stubborn, independent human being.  My mother would swear under oath that this is true.  I would rather suffer and muddle through on my own steam, rather than reach out for a lifeline…that I had to ask for.

But then I lost Ryan.  And I realized that standing on my own had lost its power.  If anything, I was making my life more miserable by insisting I weather the storm on my own.  For a while, I stood firm.  I was alone on Friday nights.  Well, I have four boys, I wasn’t alone per se, but I was lonely.  I had things fall apart in my house and I would adjust my world to work around them rather than ask for help to have them fixed.

Asking for help went against my grain.  It was weakness, and it was embarrassing.  I didn’t want to be “The Widow who needs help.”

I still don’t…


Lonliness is all consuming.  It can ruin you if you think you are alone and on your own.  My sister in law saved me after Ryan passed by sleeping on my couch every day for three months, and still to this day staying over three nights a week to watch TV with me, and take away that loniliness variable.

I didn’t ask her to do that though, so it was easy.

Slowly though, I’ve begun asking friends if they want to see a movie.  Go to dinner.  See a show.

Slowly, I’ve asked for help fixing electrical problems, plumbing problems, watering system problems.

Slowly, hesitantly, cautiously, I asked the church for help. 

And when I asked, I was provided for.  And people were wonderful, and happy they could do something for me, and gracious and lovely.  And my life was completely blessed because I asked.

I don’t look at asking as weakness anymore.

I see it as doing something brave.

No.  It’s not easy for me to do.  Yes. I have to work up the courage to do it.  Yes. I have a ceiling fan in my garage I bought a year ago to replace the broken one in the living room, and I haven't worked up the courage to ask someone to install it for me...

But putting myself out there has never let me down.  Never.

Turns out, people want to help.  They just don’t know how.  And sometimes they just don’t know that going out for a quick piece of pie can completely change my week.

If you are overwhelmed, reach out.

Reach out to your friends online and get advice.

Reach out to your neighbors.

Reach out to your friends.

Reach out to your church.

Reach out to your spouse.

I’m sorry, but you can’t do it all alone.  Well, you CAN.  But you can’t find true happiness that way.

I believe we are all here to find joy in our circumstance, and I believe the best way to do that is by taking off our blinders and helping eachother out.

Whether it be an ear to listen.

A mouth to speak.

A heart to love.

An arm to hug.

A body to work.

Whatever it is.  Giving help, and even accepting help is humanity at it’s finest.

I had to learn this lesson with God too.  I had to open up to him and ask him for help and I promise you he has always provided.  Always.

That’s how I’ve gotten through the past two years.  It isn’t easy, but it’s always been worth it.  I know this is a big problem in our community.  At some point we feel like we need to take the world and hoist it on our shoulders.

The world is much lighter if there is another shoulder there bearing the weight.  Give it some thought, and consider letting someone help you out with your burdens.  Maybe you'll get a glimpse of what I have witnessed.  

If you do get that glimpse...get ready to smile again.


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