Thursday, February 24, 2011

Finding the warmth.

What do you do when you hit rock bottom?

What do you do when the wind is sucked right out of you and you’re just lost?

You can’t find the person you want to be…all you know is you are not the person you want to be.

I’m lost.

I’m in a funk.

How do I find my way back to happy?

The clutter of life is stifling my view. All I see is clutter. Where is the beauty? I know it is within my reach…I know it is right there, in front of me…but the clutter blocks the way.

Simplify?

How do you simplify a life such as ours? There is nothing simple here. Everything is complicated. Everything is harder than it should be.

I know what it is. It is my outlook. It is all within. I am creating the clutter. I am making it all harder than it needs to be. I know this because I have been here before. Too many times.

TOO MANY TIMES.

I know the part of me that sees the bigger picture is here. I know it is in my heart. I just need to turn the switch. Turn off the clutter…turn on the light.

But the darkness is overpowering. The light sits waiting behind a closed door…I can see the dim warmth shut behind the door.



I miss the warmth.

I think my family misses it too.

I know my family misses it too.

Where do I begin to like myself again?

I guess I need to start from the beginning…at the root of it all. It is just now occurring to me that I am trying to find my way back on my own, and all I’m doing is making myself more lost. I’m making a mess of things.

I need to ask for help. I’m not sure why I’m throwing this all out there, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not fighting the clutter alone.

We can’t do it alone.

We have to ask for help.

I’m going to drop to my knees now, and ask Him for help.

I know He will help me. I just don’t know why it has taken me so long to ask.

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