He feels it.

As most of you know, J was diagnosed at 8 months old. When he was diagnosed he was so fragile the doctor wanted us to keep him between 200 and 300 for the first couple years. After that we inched down to 150-250. I think it was when he was 6, when we got him his first insulin pump, that we moved to keeping him in the 100's, and then at age 10 when we tried hard for low 100's.

You have to remember that insulin back when J was diagnosed was archaic. We had to give him his dinner insulin two hours before dinner. He had a long acting insulin called Lente, and later another called Ultra Lente.  Neither were supposed to peak...but both did with J. There was a lot to consider, and his safety came first. (L and B were put on pumps right away. They never knew the days of "keeping them in the 200's.")

Sooo...J has felt the repercussions of the "highs" since he could remember. I imagine he thought that is just the way he was always supposed to feel. I remember vividly having a conversation when he was in first grade...

"J, you are 400...don't you feel that you are high. Don't you feel awful?"

"No. I just feel normal, Mama.  This is the way I always feel!" And he happily skipped away.

Highs never affected my sweet boy...that is, until now.

I don't know how he does it, and I don't even know if this is the reason behind it all...but J keeps his blood sugars in such good control, I doubt I could do it myself. He is for sure one lucky duck as he is in the throes of puberty and generally that wreaks havoc on blood sugars. I suspect the havoc is in our future...but for now he is doing a pretty darn good job. That aside...he now feels when he is high.

In fact if he is above 250, he feels downright miserable. There has been a couple times in the last few weeks where he refused to eat dinner because he was in the 200's and didn't feel right.

There has been a shift, and as much as I hate to see him miserable when those 200's come...I'm thankful for his newfound awareness.

Not only that, I am thankful for the insulin pump that makes it so easy for him to bolus. I am thankful for the tools that lie within it to make controlling blood sugars amid puberty hormonal tidal waves a bit less impossible.

I am thankful that my son feels his lows...and now feels his highs.

My knowledge of this disease evolves every day. What has become very clear to me is sensitivities change with time. L couldn't feel a low to save his life when he was 3. Now he does. Now he can sniff out a low a mile away. Nothing ever stays the same with diabetes. There is always hope for a better day.

There is always hope.

There is always uncertainty.

There is always something new around the corner.

There is always change.

And sometimes...whether it be hard work or just plain luck...that change is for the better.