Wednesday, September 8, 2010

T-Minus Three Weeks to Endo...

There is a humming. A constant humming and it won’t go away.

It is a bit reminiscent of the Edgar Allan Poe story, “The Tell Tale Heart.”

I mostly hear it when the house is quiet. I can hear it right now as I type this.

mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm mmmm

It isn’t the refrigerator.

It isn’t the lights. Honestly, I have every one turned off.

I think it is me going mental from all the stress.

Our endo appointment is in three weeks. You know what that means? Every single number from this moment forth will be downloaded and analyzed. And I’m accountable for them all. Hence the rage basal changes last night on ALL three boys.

mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Maybe it is the blood sugar monitors calling to me. They are saying, “Erase our histories! Start over!”

Whatever it is, it does shed light on the fact that I’m in a funk. The A1C tests are looming. All those A1C’s in the 6’s are going to be gone…those victories are now stored away in dusty boxes. All that matters is right now, and right now the boys’ blood sugars have gone out of whack.

It is uncanny how all three boys’ basal rates can work in unison.

Maybe that is what the humming is…their bodies basals communicating with each other…saying “More insulin! More insulin! More insulin! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm.”

In two hours I will get a call from two boys, and a text from a third. They will report in with their blood sugars and I will know if my changes were positive ones or not. Until then I will sit here and listen to the hum of insanity and try to remember that those numbers are just a map for me to find my way to a treasure trove of “In Range Numbers.” I’ll also try to keep in mind that I am doing my best…and hope beyond hope that my best isn't as sucky as I think it is.


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