Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What About Meri?

Abraham Lincoln said: “When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you usually will.”

Meri says: “If you look for the bad in diabetes, in life and in yourself, expecting to find it, you usually will.”

On the flip side…

Meri says: “If you look for the GOOD in diabetes, in life and in yourself, expecting to find it, you usually will.”

You get what you look for.

My post last week, Finding the Warmth, was the accumulation of weeks of me constantly looking for the bad in myself and the world around me…constantly worrying how things will affect me, constantly worrying how my faults will affect my family….constantly looking at what I am not, rather than what I am.

I got what I was looking for. All the trash built up and I had a bit of a break down last Thursday.

What a difference 5 days makes.

I turned the switch and I opened the door. I allowed myself to let the light in. I wouldn't allow the light in before because I didn't feel worthy of it.

I have so many faults.

I feel so inadequate in my station.

Yet today I know that it is my faults that make up the unique me. Today I realize that nobody is perfect. Everyone has a battle that they are waging...we are all fighting the darkness together. What causes the darkness in our lives may be different, but in the end we are all fighting the same thing.

Those who have read my blog long enough know that I roll this way. I have long stints of happy happy joy joy and then I dive…and I dive hard.

But after the long crash and burn, I get up again.

I get what I look for.

Change is in me. I know if I am miserable it is my job to change my perspective. I am a blessed woman and I have an obscenely long list of things to be thankful for, so it stands to reason that I bring on a lot of the miserableness myself.

One of those things I am thankful for is you. Thank you for your warmth and kind comments, they brightened an old D Mama’s heart! I know I don't struggle with this alone. There is a strong force in the world that messes with our self esteem. It can be so hard to turn away from the voices that say you aren’t good enough.

But, I am good enough.

And you are good enough too. Period.

I'm not even close to perfect…but I have something to bring to the table. We all do. No one else is like me…so I wonder why I want to be like everyone else. That would take away all the parts of me that are different than you…and there is no fun in that.

I’ve decided to embrace who I am, work on the parts I don’t like and love my family so fiercely it knocks them over.

One day at a time.

Baby steps.


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