Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Help Wanted: full time shoulder sitter

"I'm spinning plates and doing nothing well."

I keep saying that over and over in my head and I have to wonder if it is really true, or if it is my self-deprecating "I'll-Never-Be-Good-Enough" inner judger doing all the talking.

You know?

It's like I have the devil on both shoulders.

"Meri, just give up...you are going to make a mess of it."

"Meri, you are a joke, stop before you make it worse."

"Meri, why even try? You don't have time to do it right!"

"Meri, you could do SO much better...you are letting people down!"

"BTW Meri, you are fat."

Yeah...devils are no fun at all.

So what does one do when the Devils spend the entire day picking on...one? Well, me.

What do I do?

What to do...what to do...

I don't have an answer for that one.

I always say, "You can't do better than your best."

I believe that. But what if you have no energy for your best? What if...all your get up and go, got up and left?

I need to refuel! I need a vacation! Hey, that Hawaii comment in my last post wasn't just me blowing hot air...my brain needs a serious break.

Lately, I forget everything. I remember half of what needs to be done, and forget the rest. I'm having to do double the duty because half of me forgets what the other half expects of it. Not okay when you are the mother to three boys who have Type 1. Not. Okay.

Am I losing you?

Am I losing my mind?

Is the blog-post-emotional-roller-coaster I've been taking you on the past few months making you rethink your trip to Disney?

Just a couple questions I am going to leave you with as I end this completely random, and completely unhelpful-to-anyone-in-the-world-post.

I'll be back soon, hopefully with a better outlook on things. I've put out a classified ad for an angel to sit on my shoulder full time. I need one of these little devils edged out asap.

Speaking of help wanted...I still haven't filled THIS position yet. Please let me know if you have any leads!


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