Diane Sawyer, I'm ready for my close up!

I've selfishly spent this month spouting off thoughts from my swelly brain. I have blogged every day in the name of Diabetes Awareness and I have yet to write a post that educates the masses. So here are my educating thoughts in bullet point form...just in case, one day, the world decides it wants to know the facts about Type 1 Diabetes. * When you hear about diabetes on TV...chances are, you are hearing about Type 2 Diabetes.* The notion of lose weight and lose diabetes is a complete hoax. Diabetes never goes away. If you have Type 2 Diabetes, You may be able to stop medication if you lose weight and change your diet...but even if you do, diabetes...

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I reject the reality, and substitute my own.

In reality, I should be rocking in a corner with drool running down the side of my mouth. But in my own world, It's all good.In reality, I should be completely bald from pulling my hair out.But in my own world, I got this covered.In reality, my pointer finger should be running up and down my lips...you know, like crazy people do in the movies?But in my own world, I smile at the absurdity of it all.In reality, I should be like a broken record screaming to God, "Three? Really? THREE!!!!"But in my own world, I thank the good Lord for my many blessings each and every day.In reality, I should have a therapist at my disposal 24 hours a day, 7 days...

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Today's random Meri musings.

I laid out clothes for B and L today. They put on each other's outfits and they both fit. Sure B's jeans were just a tad short, and L's needed to be rolled up three times...but it was all good. (Of course I didn't realize the snafu until they were walking into school.)Snack time sugars were pretty rockin'. I'll take that victory thankyouverymuch!L called after his snack recess and said he was 123 but his body was telling him he was going to be low soon. Me, being the philosophical mother that I am, told him to have a little juice because he should always listen to his body. An hour and a half later he called in at 213. I don't want to say anything,...

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Let's make a deal...diabetes style.

Welcome Meri to Let's Make a Deal! WOOO HOOO!Clap!!! Clap!!! Clap!!! Clap!!! Clap!!! Tomorrow the boys start school again. As the audience well knows...all three of your boys have had higher blood sugar numbers during their break. Tomorrow they will be back on the playground and I know you are lost about what to do.So let's do what you do best...GUESS!Let's make a deal!Clap!!! Clap!!! Clap!!! Clap!!! Clap!!!To start out, you have three boxes in front of you.Box #1 has you continuing to up their basals because of the highs as of late.Box #2 has you Going back to the ratios you used before Thanksgiving break.Box #3 has a temp basal inside. Up the...

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Day 4658

The battle is making me weary.My armor is dented.My weapons dull from constant wear.My will is nothing to be depended on. One minute I'm running into the fray, our battle cry screaming from my tonsils.The next minute I'm curled up in a ball hoping no one notices me.I'm going through the motions...dripping with emotional defeat, but not giving up to the numbers.I beat every one of them. One number at a time. But I can't help but wish that the numbers would be whisked away...flushed...cured.For now and for always they continue to swirl around my brain. The parade of numbers marching ever forward.They are constant. No break. Ever.Emotional roller...

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Your Diabetic Feng Shui

Stop and smell the flowers...She stood proudly, next to the small, Thanksgiving pie table, and announced to the world that "This is Liz. She's a diabetic, and every year, this is the ONE time she will allow herself a piece of pie." Great, thanks, lady. Thanks for outing me like that in front of everyone... I really needed a roomful of eyes peering down on me the moment I decide to have a second slice. My best friend's mother in law really means well. She does. She, herself, is diabetic, albeit she is a lot more liberal with her food intake than I am. I don't think she has a great understanding of what's going on in her body, or that...

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Getting into the Christmas Spirit.

‘Twas the night before set changes and all through the homeEvery boy slept quite soundly, nary a moan.The monitors sat on the counter with care, Anticipating a parent soon would be there.The children’s fingers were hiding warm under their cheeksSafely hidden from needles, a welcome retreat.And I in my robe, and Ryan in his shortsHad just settled down, for a napper of sorts.When out in the hall their arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.Away to the door I flew like a flash,My feet not touching the ground, a hasty worried filled dash.When what to my blurry sleep deprived eyes should appear,But one little boy staring...

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Not easy, but so worth it.

Today I am Thankful that life isn't easy.The struggles and challenges our family has faced lo these past 18 years have only made us more appreciative of the simple pleasures life grants us.We have been thrown a few curveballs for sure, but instead of curling up in a ball and giving up, we drew together as a family and clung to our love, our faith and our blessings.I look at my handsome husband and my four beautiful boys and am overcome with emotion. I am so blessed that they are ALIVE. That my children are not only surviving with diabetes, but thriving with diabetes. My husband not only survived the odds against cancer, he slayed them. We have...

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No insulin is no fun.

It can all go so wrong so quickly.B has been higher since school let out. Is it the different activity level? Should we be switching to his weekend ratios all week? I was so sick of it that I upped his basal for most of the day yesterday and he was still running "higher." 200's. Nothing alarming or anything. He went to bed in the 200's and shockerprisingly enough...he was 220 when I tested him at 1am.I corrected and went back to bed.It was almost 4:00am when he woke me and told me he was throwing up. ("Don't worry" he says, "I didn't throw up on my bed...I can still sleep there. I made it to the carpet.") His blood sugar was 390 and his blood...

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A common thread

A small reenactment of a conversation that happens between L and I over the phone more often than you would guess:"Hi L! What's your sugar?""I'm going to say it in Spanish, ok?""Ok, if you absolutely have to.""Yup! I do! Dos... Unnnnnnnno... ummm... siet.... no.... seisss... no.... serte.... no....""L, please just say it in English.""No I got it! Dooooooooos...un....uno....siete!""217?""NO! 206!"Another small reenactment of L telling me his blood sugar number before he goes to bed:"L, what is your sugar baby?""I'm going to show you how many with my fingers, ok?""Ok, if you absolutely have to.""Yup! I do!"Then he proceeds to put up one finger,...

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Every Birthday a Blessing.

He still has scars on his inner ankles from when he was diagnosed at 8 months old, in fact he showed them to me yesterday. He was so dehydrated, the doctors had to cut there to find a vein. It is a memory etched in my brain for the eternities...and today I sit here feeling blessed beyond measure that he is here with us 14 birthdays later.Last year I was very conflicted about J turning 13. I wasn't ready for another teen in the house, and I certainly didn't think I was ready to see J be catapulted into adulthood.I'm glad to report that today J is 14 and we have both survived the first of his teenage years. He has changed so much, but I can't say...

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100,000

I've been keeping track of how many people click on my blog for a little over two years now. Today I reached the milestone of 100,000 visitors.To quote a post from earlier this year:I like to think of my blog as my ark.I was drowning, so one day I took my thoughts and built my ark/blog.I filled the ark with my fears, my hopes, my belly laughs and musings from my swelly brain and let it sail!It traveled father than I ever imagined, and has taken me to places I never knew existed.The best place of all is the Diabetes Online Community. When I started this blog, I didn't even know the DOC existed. It was a happy coincidence my sister in law found...

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What Some Would Call Diabesity, I Call Diapression...

It's a blue Sunday today; a Sunday marked with gray Fall skies, transitioning into Winter blues. The trees are mostly, leafless, and it's long past the time when you could get away with taking an afternoon stroll outside with just a light sweater.  Looking out into the landscape, it's hard to image all this pervasively barren world will come right back to life next Spring. Such can be the seasons of Diabetes. There are moments when one feels invincible, unstoppable... committed more than anything in the world, and running full steam ahead.  And then there are the not so honest moments; the moments when one speaks to others, gently keeping...

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Oh yeah...he can eat that!

What do you do when your little boy's dream is to have a pie eating contest at his tenth birthday party? Your little boy who has been obsessed with the word "pie" since he was four years old... Your little boy who's announced his favorite food is pie since he could form an answer... Your little boy who has Type 1 Diabetes and for one moment wants to be like any other normal kid out there...What does one do?Well, one boluses this boy 120 carbs and lets him have at it.Best. Party. Ever.Let them eat cake!...errrr...pie!(This is me coming in right under the wire with my post for National Health Blogging Month in honor of Diabetes Awareness Month....

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Choices.

They are our god given right. We all have the opportunity to make thousands of our own choices every day. Are they all choices of good and evil? No. In fact most of the choices we make are not black or white...they are no color at all. Choices can be as simple as what we are going to eat for breakfast or what toothpaste we are going to buy.Some of the choices we make are more important. One example might be looking both ways when we cross the street, another might be wearing our seat belt.As a mother of 3 children with diabetes, I make hundreds of choices for my boys on a daily basis. I know what the healthy/smarter decisions are. I tell them...

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My October is a bully.

To my long time readers it is no secret that October is my least "favoritest" month.Yes, Halloween has something to do with it. But mostly it is everything that is tagged along with it. It is the constant parties, costume changes, treats, trips and the bags and bags of candy.Last year I had enough and told the boys, no parties. Only Halloween...and no kidding, it was the best year ever!(For me anyway.)This year I let them pick one extra party, and that was the school party. It didn't brighten my month or anything...there was a bake sale and a cinnamon pancake breakfast. But they had fun and that is what matters.If it was just these two parties...

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On the Eve of my Diabetes Anniversary...

Some days...I think it's all a dream.A bad dream, a long dream;One of those sweaty kind of dreams.I call out for you,and you're not there. I dial your number...But you will never be there.Never again...To answer, to offer advise;Or to just tell me you love me,One more time.I ponder the roads you traveled,the judgments I made,the anger I felt, and I am SO SORRY, DAD...It's hard to know,hard to weigh, hard to feel...Until the burden is yours.Tomorrow marksmy second year of lifewith Diabetes, and I truly wish you were here... I wish I could say everything is so much better,and in many ways it is.New insulin, new...

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L-M-N-O PEE...

It's something none of us want to talk about. It is the one post I probably will get the most flack about when the boys are older, but darn it! It needs to get out in the open! We must unite in our secret shame...Pee.And diabetes.Man, back in the day when my boys were littler and high over night...forget about it!! Accidents galore.And let's not get into the nights when it happened twice. I've found them curled up in the corner of their bed the size of a quarter to keep away from the wet spots.And then there is the bathroom.I have four boys. Seriously, sometimes I think there is a fountain of pee that springs up next to the toilet at night. Yesterday...

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The life cycle of a test strip.

I've been observing closely the life of a test strip for many years now. They lead a fascinating existence...inspiring in fact...and as such, I hope you will see their valor in my findings today.They are born into groups of 25 and live in the dark for months before their true life begins. It is a drastic change from the quiet of their family as one day they are ripped from their cocoon and thrust into a world of people and noise and emotion.They watch their brothers and sisters be taken one by one to be eaten by the monitor and they gasp at what they think is their bloody end.Alas, for many it IS their end. Test strips are only good to us humans...

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Sometimes...

Sometimes at night, when the alarm goes off…I have a mini fit. I thrash my legs and moan like an 8 year old tasked to do the stupidest of chores. I am overcome with exhaustion. I roll out of bed walking back-bent-arms-hanging, channeling all my anger to the Legos on the floor, wondering when, if ever, I will get a good night’s sleep. Once I get to the boys though, my heart usually softens. Their sweet faces calm my shaking hands and my selfishness turns to concern as I check each boy and assess their situation. But when I get back to my bed, I fall in like a dead body; face first…KERPLAT…on to my pillow. Wondering if I’ll be able to fall back...

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I support the circle!

The diabetes community is as diverse as it gets. We are different people with different circumstances fighting the same stereotypes about diabetes every day.Type 1...Type 2...the world does not know. What MOST of the world thinks it "knows" is that diabetes is a bunch of fat people that need to lose weight.They don't know that Type 1 is an autoimmune disease. They don't know that my children didn't get diabetes from eating too much sugar. They don't know that not all Type 2 Diabetics can go off medication by losing weight.The world is surprisingly in the dark. Even the medical community doesn't have their knowledge all together. They don't know...

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The number's black magic.

He is a magician. Freakishly tall, sleek and smooth. He has that wry smile that makes us feel little. He has power...control...a regalness to his gait.He cowers over us swirling his wand in the air, making the numbers dance in dark clouds around our head. They are dizzying. Captivating. All encompassing. We shirk in powerlessness...we get overwhelmed.It is hard to function in such a state. We let the numbers rule. We let them control our actions.I can see the image so vividly in my head and it makes me so angry. He sickens me.And yet I let him get the upper hand sometimes. I GIVE him the pleasure of my miserableness and bow to his evil ways.It...

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