Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Flip Flopping.

Something is wrong with me.

The last few weeks Ryan has insisted on doing EVERYTHING.  He wants to work.  He wants to see every customer.  He wants to go to every meeting. 
He wants to make big future plans.  He wants to "normal."
And for the most part I was ok with that.

Except there was a lot of me saying, "Ryan, you need to rest."

And, "Ryan, you just got out of the hospital 12 hours ago.  Why must you work? 
Can't you call your customers?"

And, "Ryan, you need to listen to your body.  You can't over do it!  Slow down!"

And, "Ryan, please go nap.  You've been running around like crazy all day."

Until yesterday Ryan said to me:
"I can't do it all."

"I'm so tired I need to nap."

"I can't see all my customers, I'll call a couple."

"I'm not going to be able to make that meeting next month."

And then I'm all, "WHOA!  What you talkin' bout Willis??!"

Well, I didn't say it out loud.  But now that he is agreeing with me...I'm upset and depressed and scared on so many levels.  I didn't realize at the time how awesome it was that he WANTED to do those other things.  I didn't realize how AWESOME it was that he COULD do those other things.

And I want to scream, "Yes you can!  GO!"

(I told you something is wrong with me.)

He's finally doing all the things I asked him to do and now I've totally flip flopped.

I took a definitive stance on the issue and now like a seasoned politician, I change my mind.

I'm lost.
Are you there God?  It's me Meri.  I am lost.  I think my swelly brain has hit capacity.

I change my mind.  

Run, Ryan.  Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun!


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