Monday, October 8, 2012

The ten year quandary

I read an article a couple weeks ago that Houston's MD Anderson's Cancer center announced they are going to shoot for the moon and attempt to cure eight types of cancer within the next ten years.

One of those types of cancer is Melanoma. 

How do I feel about this?

Surprisingly conflicted.

On the one hand, WOW!  Good for them for going for the gold!  What a huge blessing it would be to know not another family would need to suffer like ours.  What an amazing gift to know that in the future my children wouldn't have to fear such a disease!  It is such a hopeful statement.  Bold and exciting!  Can you imagine?  I certainly can!

Then there is this tiny selfish, angry part of me that says, "What the what????  Why couldn't they have announced this ten years ago?"  I feel like an awful person thinking this way.  What's happened has happened...but if they think they can cure it, why has it taken so long for eyes to be opened?  If they think they actually can achieve this...why now?  Why not before?  Why not for my Ryan?

We can't go back in time.

I know that.

Then there is the D Mama bear inside me roaring at the idea of telling others, "Ten years."

When J was diagnosed with diabetes we were told there would be a cure within ten years.  We were newbies then...and a bit naive I suppose.  We honestly believed them, and left the office thinking Our Diabetic Life would be a temporary thing...

Seven years later when L was diagnosed we were told the same thing.  "Ten years and there will be a cure for sure.  They are getting closer!"

And a year later when another nurse tried to tell us the same phrase after B was diagnosed I stopped her and made her promise never to say those words again.


I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.  Ten years from any point we are currently at, there will be a cure for everything.  Impossible, right?  We'll never get to that point because the time is always determined from this exact point.  And this exact point changes minute by minute.

Curing Melanoma in a ten year time frame?  Damn, I'm glad they are trying.

But I hate that I lack faith in the outcome.

I hope I'm proven wrong.  I PRAY I am proven wrong.  PROVE ME WRONG MD ANDERSON CANCER CENTER!  Please!

It's about time this world started curing things.  It's about time we stopped putting band aids on the problems and patting ourselves on the back for putting off the solution. 

Maybe a cure will come for these deadly cancers because the people who have them don't live long.  The money made off them is limited.  I don't know.  I know of people who believe that pharma is making millions off Diabetes, and is hurting our cause for a cure by blocking any progress towards it.

Yeah...maybe I'm one of the people that feels that way too...sometimes.

Can progress really be made on any disease?  Has society really cured a disease yet?

Regardless of my hesitation.  Regardless of my sadness.  Regardless of my tainted view of miraculous future cures...

Regardless of everything, I'm glad they are trying.  And I support them 100% in their noble efforts.

Even if it is too late for Ryan, maybe it won't be too late for someone else I love.  <---- and that's worth putting all my conflictions asides, and allowing myself to once again feel a pang of HOPE inside my heart.


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