What are D Moms made of?

We are a complicated concoction.  D Moms are made of Glue:  We hold the entire family unit together.   Our children's challenges stick resolutely to us as we work to find solutions and wash away the unpleasant sticky residue of diabetes.D Moms are made of Fire:  The bad blood sugar day our children had yesterday?  We burn it away into ash and begin the day anew.  Every day is the rebirth of new numbers.  The old worries are burned away and in its wake come new saplings of hope.D Moms are made of Ice:  We can numb the pain...the sadness...with our love, our bear hugs and our empathy.D Moms are made...

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Who I am.

I hated the word.Hated it.I hate the word hate, too.  But in this instance...only hate would do.WIDOW.Widow is such a lonely word.It is old.  It is covered in black, and it most definitely has wrinkles.That isn't me.I've used the word a handful of times, and in each instance it was meant to be a joke."I bet you say that to all the widows.""I was a grieving widow, and you expected me to retain that bit of information?""You wouldn't say that to a widow, would you?"Every time I said it, a little something inside me died.  The word made me anxious, and angry.  It didn't define me at all.  But the fact remains, today...

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Try again.

When we guess the carbs in a pizza, and we fail miserably?Try again.Pizza is so worth it.When we change basal rates and the lows become overwhelming?Try again.Getting things right the first time is called luck.When we sleep through our 2am alarm two nights in a row?Try again.Sometimes it just takes a different ring tone to do the trick.When pump sites gets ripped out three times in one day?Try again.Pumps have bad days just like everyone else.When we get tired of reminding our teenager to test at school?Try again.If there is anything worth our time, it is that.When we reach out to someone and they don't respond?Try again.Life is busy and crazy. ...

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The end goal.

It was the day Ryan passed away.  I was at my inlaws house with the boys and with family all around.  I was in shock.  I was scared.  I was tired.  I was distraught.  I was confused.  The house was warm...really warm, and I was feeling overwhelmed to say the least.I needed air.I grabbed my iPad and walked outside.  Sitting at the patio table I opened it up and clicked the Facebook icon.  I sat in the fading sunlight, quietly sobbing as I read the posts written on my wall, and the private messages that poured in from all around the world.  It was when the sky began to darken that my father...

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Love the pancreas your with.

I don't want to overly simplify my feelings towards diabetes. Complicated doesn't even seem to scratch the surface. All I know is that for now...diabetes is staying put. And since that is the case, I will now endeavor to riff off the old Stephen Stills song, "If you can't have the pancreas you love honey, love the pancreas you're with."I've spent many a year loathing diabetes and its long line of insane protocols. When my third was diagnosed I'm pretty sure I melted into a puddle of tears and bitterness for a good nine months. Looking back, those deep seeded feelings of hatred and helplessness have only brought me three things: Heartache, TMJ...

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The wave.

B and L had their first therapy appointments this week.  They both left with the biggest smiles declaring, "That was awesome!  When are we going back?"  A stark contrast to M and J's reaction.  On the way home B shared with me an observation that none other than his school teacher imparted:  "Imagine standing on the beach.  Happy, talking with your friends...and then out of nowhere a giant wave hits you.  That is how sadness works.  It washes over us when we least expect it."No truer words have ever been spoken.But this post isn't about grief today.  I want to twist the analogy a bit and see if it...

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Wacky Wednesday

Do you remember the book Wacky Wednesday by Dr. Seuss?  It was my favorite when I was a kid. It starts out with a boy finding a shoe on his wall.  The book goes on to show all the wacky things he saw that day, all the while asking you to search for the things that are wrong in the picture.It was/is a brilliant book.This morning when my boys woke up with Halloween excitement hangovers, I couldn't help but look back at our Halloween and see ever so clearly how wacky our Wednesday really was.To start off, B's best friend asked him to go trick or treating with their family.  Handling T1 on Halloween is tricky for a professional...

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