Monday, April 1, 2013

The bloody truth.

Just to be clear, I'm starting this post assuming that every one of you disposes of blood in a super sanitary, super proper manner. 

In public anyway.

But behind closed doors, or rather...within the city limits of friendly territory, we all know that there are a variety of ways to dispose of that extra glop on the finger after testing.  The bloods gotta go somewhere.

As those of us with Diabetic Lives can attest, blood loses its scariness-factor pretty fast after diagnosis.  We are numbed to the fact that these days, blood is supposed to be completely unsanitary.  When it is your own blood, or the blood of someone you's really not that big of a deal.  Blood means life: end of story.

My boys are as different as the day is long.  They all use variety of methods to dispose of the extra blood on their finger, and none of them apologize for it.  Their blood. Their solutions.

Below please find a low budget, (OK, no budget,) clinical, (OK, non clinical,) analysis, (Ok, more like a swelly brained smattering,) of the personas attached to each method of said blood disposal...

I'm going to get all shock and awe here right off the bat: 

The vampire's solution to the blood is to simply lick the blood off the finger.  It is the fastest way of disposal, and doesn't require any pre-planning whatsoever.  There is no trace left behind, and the finger is left essentially looking clean.  It is a fast and a very legit way to deal with this.  I may or may not have one or two of these running around my house.

The next one is a little more subtle:

The sneak will wipe the blood someplace hidden, often using the inside of his or her pocket.  It isn't left out in the open and is a much more discreet way to dispose of the glop.  I mean, everyone puts their hands in their pockets, right?  Props go out for ingenuity...who looks at the inside of pants pockets for stains anyway?

Up next is the most socially acceptable:

The hygienist uses alcohol swabs, or Kleenex, or both, to dispose of the blood, and promptly disposes the aforementioned cloths in the garbage.  I assume this is the way we were all taught once discharged from the hospital.  I'm sure Ryan and I used to do things this way...for like the first week after our first diagnosis anyway.


The opportunist is probably the least accepted by society.  The opportunist simply wipes the blood on what is convenient at the time.  Maybe their shirt, or their mother's shirt, or the sheets on the bed.  The table maybe?  Nothing is off limits.  As long as the blood is off their finger, and on something else...their job is done.  My boys were all opportunists at one point.  As they have grown, they have moved onto other more discreet methods.

Up next:

A close relative to the opportunist, the free spirit doesn't give a damn about the glob of blood.  The free spirit simply lets it sit on the finger until it eventually disappears onto something else while going about their day as normal.  Blood found on a light switch?  Likely a free spirit was happening by.

I leave you with the last one, that I freely admit was my M.O. for many years.  I'm not afraid.  I'll tell the world.  Be sickened if you must, but I have a feeling those that are reading this will accept this method as a completely viable, valid one.  I have since given it up as my boys test their own blood sugars now.  Without further ado:

The magician simply rubs their fingers together until the blood disappears.  It works.  And I can vouch for the fact that it is certainly magical.  Where does the blood go?  It seriously disappears in thin air.

It seems every situation calls for its own disposal policy.   My boys can easily switch from one method of disposal  to another without missing a beat.

Even though I feel like I've covered all the bases, I can't help but wonder...what am I missing?

And if I am missing something...if there is another I really want to know about it?  Or is it best I be left in the dark as the rest of the theoretical "muggle-like" society? 

I'm going to stew on that while I wipe down all our doorknobs.


Post a Comment

Design by Free WordPress Themes | Bloggerized by Lasantha - Premium Blogger Themes | Lady Gaga, Salman Khan