I forgot.

The other night when I was wallowing in the cocoon of pity, I was so wrapped up in the wings of my despair, that I forgot...I forgot that out in the world there were thousands...millions...of dots of light. Each dot representing other parents walking the halls of their own homes, administering the nighttime check. I felt so alone.Really though, I wasn't alone.I forgot of the other PWD who were (hopefully) sleeping peacefully waiting for their alarms to wake them for their own checks. I also forgot about their spouses who stir in the bed and wait breathlessly to hear their spouse stir too.I forgot that one number does not make or break my child's...

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Finding my fight at midnight.

The nighttime can be so cruel.Devoid of light, my soul anguishes in my ineptitude.Seeing two 400's staring back at me tonight didn't help things. In fact it began a tailspin that even I am worried I won't recover from.In this nighttime all my hope is drowned away in pools of tears in my hands. All my positivity is enveloped in the black hole of my pity.How is it ok that I am so completely responsible for my boys well being?How is it ok that it is all on my shoulders?Is this a cruel joke? Will my best ever be good enough?When my boys are adults will I be able to look them in the eye and say, I really truly did my best?How does the night strangle...

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The battle.

This last weekend ushered in the back to school sickies. B and J have sore throats, and L has a head cold. It is one of those situations that brings on the inner battle between my swelly brain and my fragile heart. Today you get a behind the scenes look at the action!"Hey Meri, the boys are so sick. Maybe you should let them stay home from school today.""Ummm...Meri...have you forgotten that L's blood sugar number pattern was reminiscent of the skyline of the Rockies yesterday...""Just call the school...right now. Let them sleep in.""They are so flipping cute...you need to keep them home and cuddle them and love them and make them soup.""Why...

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Now is the time for us to stand up and be heard!

Take 10 minutes out of your busy schedule and watch this video. I cannot tell you how important this is. There is a UN Summit taking place next month and Diabetes will be a big part of the discussions on the table. Leaders from around the world will be discussing an action plan, and debate if they should make a goal to decrease deaths from noncommunicable diseases by 25% by 2025. (Personally, I don't know what they are debating...my first instinct is to say, heck yeah! But some countries don't think it can be done. I for one feel that the world can accomplish anything it sets its mind to. They just have to try.) If ever you have thought to take...

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Scaling the Back to School Alps

I'm scaling the Back to School Alps and it has occurred to me that I'm tired of taking this trek.Even though my muscles seem stronger, and this year's hike will seem easier than last years, it still is laborious...and not even a little bit fun to think about.To start off...I miss my boys. I know that is lame. But they are the reason I smile. Secondly, when you've taken the same hike over and over and over again...the beauty is lost on you.The same scenery is lackluster at best.Oh lookie there...it is the "beginning of the school year lows"...yay.And over that hill is the classic "forgot to call you with my blood sugar."Three miles up is where...

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Half eaten bowl of cereal? Or brain exploder?

Let me give you some insight as to why my brain is swelly.Exhibit A: A cereal bowl, half full of milk and bits of cereal.Practically every mother in America doesn't give that a second thought.Me?I give it a second thought. And a third one, a fourth one...and maybe even a tenth one.Yesterday was the first day of school. Maybe it was nerves. Maybe it was excitement, but neither B nor L finished more than half their cereal.And to top it off...they used bowls we have never used before.Using new bowls on the first day of school?How am I supposed to SWAG that?They are not as wide...but they are a little deeper. The circumference of the circle...why...

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Proof I don't know everything.

Last week L had his last swimming lesson of the Summer Season. It was one of those crazy days...I don't remember all the details, but we were in a rush and I had to bring B along too. I had L check his sugar in the car on the way to the pool and a 119 popped up.119 isn't really an ideal number...but for some reason, on that day...my head said, "Alrighty then! Let's swim!" Probably because his sugars have been running high the past couple weeks, and lows have been scarce if not non-existent.We were late to the lesson and L ran ahead of me, smiling and spunky as usual. We walked in just as he was jumping into the pool...his teacher had him dunk...

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The invader.

I'm not sure how he got in. I'm not even sure when. But the man in black entered our house 13 years ago this week.My skin crawls thinking about how he hid here, unnoticed for so long. I can imagine his joyful snicker, and the slits in his eyes widening just enough to see the damage he was doing to my baby.Was it pre-calculated? Was he planning his assault for months? How did he choose my son? I'll probably never know.All I know is he liked it here. Because he has lived in the dark recesses of our home for lo these many years, and has found a way to attack two more of my boys. Attack in a silent, devastating, life threatening kinda way....

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From little things to big things.

(The blue candles on Facebook fuel the embers of anger I have for this disease. My thoughts are turned to the families that are hurting, and to the new families whose lives were turned upside down today. As I tried to navigate the hurt, I found myself drawn to my keyboard, to pay homage to those that mark today as their Diagnosis Day.)Traveling through time.The view is bright...the seasons fly.Family is growing.Your mind is on the little things.Like keeping your child happy...And school clothes. What is for lunch? There is construction/traffic on the 101.Suddenly there is a tapping in the back of your head.Something isn't right.Your child constantly...

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Disciplining and Diabetes.

It is the elephant in the room. It is what every mother of a child with type 1 diabetes dreads. How can we discipline our children when they have such a burden to bear? How can we discipline a child who is high or low...especially when that high or low was from boluses that came from our very own hands?Don't they deserve some mercy? Their gene pool didn't give them any, the world isn't giving them any...Isn't it my job as a mother to give them a break?How can I discipline a child who bears the world of this 24 hour disease on their little shoulders. A child who single handedly captures my heart as he smiles through tears during a set change?...

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Crossing party lines.

I am a Diabeticrat. Or maybe a Diapublican.Let's just say: I belong to the Diabetic Party.If it doesn't relate to my agenda...I really don't give a rats bahookie.I'm embedded in my world and if it effects my children, it effects me. And then I care.That is how moms roll. Well...how this mom rolls anyway.I know that there will come a time when I will widen my scope, and care about the recycling problem in our city, and the litter problem in the next...but right now...my children's most immediate needs are what is important.Mess with them, and you mess with me.Misunderstand their disease, and expect to be educated by me.I'm walking through a diabetes...

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