Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I forgot.

The other night when I was wallowing in the cocoon of pity, I was so wrapped up in the wings of my despair, that I forgot...

I forgot that out in the world there were thousands...millions...of dots of light. Each dot representing other parents walking the halls of their own homes, administering the nighttime check.

I felt so alone.

Really though, I wasn't alone.

I forgot of the other PWD who were (hopefully) sleeping peacefully waiting for their alarms to wake them for their own checks. I also forgot about their spouses who stir in the bed and wait breathlessly to hear their spouse stir too.

I forgot that one number does not make or break my child's future, that my boys will have high numbers because, hello...they have diabetes.

I forgot that there is a greater force. One that trumps the helpless feelings that consume the night.

I forgot that I can't do better than my best. There is no perfection in my sorrow in the unattainable is moot.

I forgot that I am blessed with amazing, resilient children.

I forgot to count my blessings before counting myself out.

I forgot that in the darkness the corners of the bigger picture are hidden.

I forgot to pray.

Most days I feel so strong! Most days I take this Diabetic Life in stride. But I am human. No super human impenetrable brain of steel here.

We all have to break down sometime. It proves our humanity.

More than anything though, I think the most important thing I forgot is that my boys are ok.

It is all going to be ok.


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