Proof

I’m proof that there is more to us than blood, tissue and bone.  There is a spiritual organism that lives in each of us, and right now mine is mourning.Today, May 1, 2013, is Ryan and My 20th Wedding anniversary.Physically…mentally…with my swelly brain, I know that today is the same as every other day.  I will work.  I will take care of my children.  The sun will rise and it will set.  I’m a level person for sure.  Why would this one day put me in a tail spin?  Ryan has been gone for 8 months now.  Exactly 8 months tomorrow, actually.  Why would this week be any harder?  But there is something...

Read more »

Temptation Wears a Red Dress Pin

Many of you might know that, currently, I work as a cashier for a local restaurant. It can sometimes be a fast paced job, with unique 'diabetes adventures,' as well as unique opportunities to meet people. Sometimes, it's just an opportunity to see people react weirdly to their environments.Our restaurant isn't exactly a health venue. It's a local fast food type joint, which has at least, some merits: it's privately owned, it makes all of it's food fresh-from-scratch, and since it's family owned, the people are wonderful to work with. For the most part. Every job has it's ups and downs.I admit I've never been what you would call -- a people person....

Read more »

Meter Madness

We have 600 blood sugar monitors in our house. Alright.  Maybe I'm exaggerating.  We only have about 200... Although they come in different shapes and sizes...almost all of them are One Touch meters.  Because that's what our insurance says we can use. One would think.  "Meri has 200 meters.  She is set."  But nope...It is never that easy. Because guess what.  Meters run on batteries.  Fancy, round, pain in the bahookie expensive batteries. And right now at this very moment, our family...the family with three  children with Type 1 Diabetes...THIS family...we only have TWO...

Read more »

A disease by any other name, still stinks.

"Diabetes."  I admit.  I'm not a fan of the name.  I'm even going to go ahead and say it is a stupid name.  It doesn't roll off the tongue, or sound serious at all.  Also, it has four syllables.  It's madness!I'm pretty sure if Diabetes was in school, it would be teased about its name.  ALLTHETIME.So if I had the opportunity to change the name of diabetes, would I?If I could go back in time, yes, I would.  But my time machine is broke, so that isn't an option.Right now, April 2013?  (With no time machine,) I really feel like that ship has sailed.There is an online petition floating around the...

Read more »

Clarity via the hard things.

I wrote this post a few years ago.  I read it tonight and I cried.  So I'm sharing again because it's the simple, littler things that make life worth all the trouble.  It's especially true for me now...There are moments in everyone’s lives that define them. Moments that move us to a sacred place…a place away from the world’s manipulations of what is supposed to be important.I think my children’s diagnoses were three of those moments.But since those three fateful days when my worlds as I knew them were knocked off their axis, there have been an armful of moments that just as suddenly, jarred me to my very core. Like aftershocks...

Read more »

The Privilege of Living with Diabetes

Dear Beautiful Person (who happens to have diabetes),Today, you are here. Is there a purpose to your being here? A universal, master purpose? Many claim to have the answer to this, but the honest response is that no one knows. The question is, in fact, irrelevant. You are here. That is a fact. Everything else is just speculation.It matters not if it's an illusion, a grand plan, a godly design, or a happenchance. You are here.And while you are here, think upon the magnitude of your existence: The last science knew, the universe was 13.8 billion years old. During much of that time, Earth was a big, hot mess. Life only began to evolve 3.5 billion...

Read more »

I die a little.

When something affects my boys in a negative way...I die a little.  All the heartache they have felt, all the physical trials they have been through, all the worry that their little hearts endure, all of that kills me little by little.   So much so, I have to wonder if there isn't an angel assigned specifically to keep my heart pumping day after day. Maybe that is why I'm so close to God?  Each time I die a bit, my spirit draws closer to Him and the home where my soul will one day find respite from the storm.Last week I got the results back to the boys lab work.  Everything was perfect, except...Except J's urine test...

Read more »

Sometimes.

Sometimes at night, when the alarm goes off…I have a mini fit. I thrash my legs and moan like an 8 year old tasked to do the stupidest of chores. I am overcome with exhaustion. I roll out of bed walking back-bent-arms-hanging, channeling all my anger to the Legos on the floor, wondering when, if ever, I will get a good night’s sleep. Once I get to the boys though, my heart usually softens. Their sweet faces calm my shaking hands and my selfishness turns to concern as I check each boy and assess their situation. But when I get back to my bed, I fall in like a dead body; face first…KERPLAT…on to my pillow. Wondering if I’ll be able to fall back...

Read more »

Surrounded.

Diabetes has been my companion for almost 15 years now.  I'm used to it.  I'm well versed in the language.  I understand the storm, as I've sat in the eye of it many times and survived.But lately, it seems the weight has shifted.  Like when you hold a baby, or in my case triplets, and they arch their backs and you struggle to keep them from dropping on the floor.   I believe B is in the beginning stages of puberty.  His insulin needs are increasing rapidly, and I'm feeling guilt with every off number.I've preached it before:  The numbers are a map.  Don't take them personally.But wherever I am, or...

Read more »

beep BEEP beep

Conversation that took place yesterday, whilst I was on one end of the house, and the kids were on the other...Meri: "B.  How much insulin do you have left in your pump?"B: "Me?  Let me check."L: "I'll check too."B: "I have 121 units."L: "Mom.  I have low reservoir!"Meri: "How many units do you have left?"L: "Hmmm.  I can't seem to find any."Meri: "You know where to look.  Go to the home screen and arrow down."L: "No.  I'm there.  It just says dot dot dot.  No number."So he's out of insulin.  Wunderbar.   He disconnects.  I grab the pump, and a new pump setup is on his body in less than...

Read more »

The Diabetes Funk

One of the wonderful things of having a blog is that, often, people ask you deep questions; deep questions which you may be working towards resolving, yourself... (unbeknownst to the reader) thus, giving one ample opportunities to think "out loud," if one could, on the internet. I'd like to address one of those questions...It's a particularly common one. Many people ask me this question, and it's truly one which is bound to come up in a person with diabetes' life sooner or later: "How do I get out of a funk??? Can you point me in a direction to get my eating back on track?"I think it's safe to say, this question has no easy, or simple answer.Whenever...

Read more »