Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Strengthening our armor.

Another child has passed away from Dead in Bed Syndrome. I cannot tell you how much I hate typing those words. I almost want to say I refuse to ever type those words again.

I won’t let those words take away my sanity.

I’m so angry right now, I want to revolt! I will not let diabetes capture the only bit of sanity I have left. It can’t have it! I will fight it! I will not let the fear fester in me. I will push it down…way way down to my feet. I will walk heavier today…but I will walk with my chin held high.

No diabetes…you can’t make me worry more.

No diabetes…you can’t make me cry anymore today. I am stopping NOW.

Instead I will look at my children and thank the Lord that they are laughing, crying, fighting and whining! I will count my blessings today. I will kneel and pray for comfort for this family, and know that their daughter is now perfect. Their daughter does not have diabetes anymore. I am thankful that I know of heaven and what awaits us there. I will concentrate on the love that the Lord has for us…and I will concentrate on my children and the love I have for them.

I will hug them tighter today.

I will probably kiss them a few times…even with a “married kiss” as L calls it. (That is what he calls a peck on the lips.)

I will move forward. I will stick my tongue out to diabetes today. You can’t have me. You cannot have my confidence and turn it into fear of the unknown.

Fear can suck it.

I will not fear!

I will move forward… I will put one foot in front of the other, and when my children go to bed tonight I will not think of what “could” happen. I won’t let it eat me alive as it has so many times before.

I’m stuffing it. I’m tossing it. I’m drop kicking that fear to the moon.

Today we need to stand tall. We need to be strong. We need to pray for this family. Cry and then stop crying. We need to move forward as an army of parents and let diabetes know that it can’t have us.

Diabetes can take our time.

Diabetes can take our plans and throw them out the window.

But diabetes cannot have our heart. It cannot take away our resolve to move forward.

We will be vigilant. And we will fight the fear. Because that is what parents of children with diabetes do. We fight it every day. We just need to fight a bit harder today. We need to strengthen our armor and sharpen our swords. We need to pray in this armor for peace and the strength to move forward.

God bless this family who lost their daughter. God bless the thousands and thousands who mourn for her loss today. God bless the people who have Type 1 Diabetes and their families.

May we find solace in our faith.


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