Cancer.

I don't want to write this post. In my past life, I wouldn't have written it. But for some reason, I know that I have to. For some reason, Ryan and I know it is important that you all know what is going on.So I will do what I always do. I will write. Whether I like it, or not.Before I get to the crap of the matter, you should know that my husband is the most important person in my life. He is honestly in every capacity of the word...my "best friend." My boys are important to me, they are my heart and soul...but they will find their true loves one day, and in turn be complete as I am. Ryan is my person. He is so much better than me, and his love...

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Luck, Scientific Genius, or Black Magic Wonder Woman?

An experiment? A Hypothesis? Call it what you may. But last night I tried a little somethin' somethin' out and got some pretty remarkable results.You be the judge.My feet drug as I slumped to the boys' rooms at 12:30am. My head was heavy, my limbs were rubbery and my head was filled with uncertainty.As I checked the boys I spontaneously tried some black magic. "Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow."76.Crap.Next boy."Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow."131.YES!!Next boy."Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow Pleasedon'tbelow."72.Crap.Now many of you might think that my...

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Go Forth... And Pursue

I love walking outdoors... in full Winter.The cold, brisk air, cupping my cheeks; biting my lips... running it's fingers through my hair. A reminder that I need a warm embrace; a cup of hot Joe, or just... a new sweater. A reminder that I am made of flesh, and blood... of pulsing vessels: "I'm alive!" -- my body screams.Winter is a painful lover I've come to cherish... and there are few things I love more than Winter.You wouldn't know it by its beginning phases, though. Uncomfortable, and annoying. It often takes me great pains to get used to falling temperatures. The cumbersomeness of putting on so many clothes -- even remembering to do so....

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And the numbers follow...

The fact that our son M will be a Senior next year has been hitting us hard. Time is flying, and the time that we have to force him to be with us is getting slimmer by the minute. Because of this, we have been making it a priority to go out on family "adventures." A couple times a month we try to go do things our family has never done before. Yesterday our adventuring took us to a couple tourist destinations in San Francisco.I keep replaying the day back in my mind. It was a whirlwind of fun, and a great family bonding day.But whether we like it or not, diabetes is part of our family too. That means it got to bond as well. It occurred...

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It comes naturally.

When we are suffocated with numbers. When we are buried in ratios that make no sense. It comes naturally for us to rise up above the diabetes smog and find the air we need to keep going.When our children are burnt out. When they voice their frustrations.It comes naturally for us to lift them above us, and place them on the pedestal they deserve.As parents we refuse to let the darkness overtake our children.As parents of children with diabetes, we take the hurt and we use it as fuel to take that next step.It is only natural for us to fight.Because when it comes to our children there is no losing.There is no surrendering.Sure, there are times when...

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Not Quite a Wordless Wednesday: food IS love

I don't really care for Valentine's Day.You know how it goes. The heavy pressure on that romantic aspect of our lives, that may or may not, live up to "Sense and Sensibility" expectations. The courting, the chocolates, the flowers, the glittery stuff. The "proposals" and declarations. Bah. Humbug. It was enough to make some of my dearest friends... 'joyfully' declare their mood of choice for the holiday, by getting creative on Facebook...(I have to admit, since I also dislike romance novels, I thoroughly enjoyed this little creation.)So... though I do the usual, quiet penance at home with the husband, I can't say I focus very much on Valentine's...

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The middle diagnosis.

Yesterday was February 12th. It came and went like any other day. We went to church. We went to my in laws. I helped B finish is big report. We had a beautiful dinner. We came home and watched Once Upon a Time as a family. We went to sleep.But yesterday was much bigger than that.Yesterday was actually the very day L was diagnosed. At the tender age of 8 years old, he would have been celebrating 6 years with Type 1 Diabetes.We will find a way to celebrate this week, but it occurred to me, I've never told L's story in its entirety. I don't even know if I remember it in its entirety. But I'll try.I know it was a Sunday, and it was two days before...

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When Ostracizing Type 2 Diabetes Became an Accepted Lifestyle...

When it comes to Diabetes, and the messages being put out there in the media, it is really hard for myself and other folks not to become angry -- if not downright furious. I have to tell you, I generally look through articles, and skim through different headlines, and just tend to "cherry pick" what's going to be real news, and ignore and pass over the fluff. If I were to read it all, I might be en route to a heart attack in less time than you can say "duck fiabetes."But on Wednesday, just having gotten home from a long, physically and mentally exhausting shift at work, I failed to listen to my own advise. A dear friend of mine shared a news...

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The deep-down-to-my-soul ugly truth.

I always try to be totally honest. I mean, is there any other way to find healing? Blogging helps me get to the heart of what I feel deep inside. Only good can come from that...I hope. I begin typing today with no map on where I am going. Only the realization that everything is making me cry these days. Statuses on facebook. Blogs. Videos. If it references diabetes, inevitably...the tears come. They aren't harsh tears. They are soft, they are real, and they are all the time.It is my goal today to get to the heart of that. I've been asking myself, why? Why am I getting so upset, so easily.But sitting here in this moment, I think I've been asking...

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The rest of the story...

Last week I posted about L's mysterious lows. I thought it was a fluke. I thought I could ride it out. But on day 6 it became blaringly obvious that it wasn't safe to sit idle anymore. I had to change basal rates.For the record...I hate HATE HATE changing basal rates. I only find success if we are constantly battling highs. If we are battling lows, it has always worked in our favor to just ride it out. My gut said, "ride it out!" But seeing another 40 stare back at me on Friday pushed me over the metaphorical edge of my sanity. (Which admittedly is very easy to do, but doesn't change the fact that those kind of numbers are just too dangerous.)...

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Laughing My Bottom Off, Perhaps Literally, at Diabetes...

It's been about a couple of weeks since I've ranted on anything, and I really apologize for that. The fact is... I've really been exhausted. I've been exhausted, and in a lot of pain. I'd call it chronic pain, but it's only chronic in the sense that other events keep happening, and happening, on top of one another, to not let the affected parts of my body just take some time to heal. It's like this stupid domino effect, of sorts, except, well... every time a stupid domino falls, it hurts, and I feel every bit of my 35 years of age.Where do I start?Well, let's see... About two weeks ago, while I was walking to our corner supermarket, I fell hard...

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Unsolved Mysteries.

As every good mystery does, this one begins with a puzzling scene... A boy checking his sugar 20 minutes after eating lunch and seeing a 47 blinking back at him. He shifts his eyes to see if anyone else can see the ghostlike numbers on his monitor. He wonders if he is imagining it.He checks again, just to make sure. 44.He fumbles for his cell phone and calls his mother. She'll know what to do.She is speechless."Mom? ... Mom?""I'm sorry honey, I'm here. Eat a bag of fruit snacks AND an apple juice. Do you think your tummy can handle that?""No problem!"The scene switches to the mother. Even though she sits perfectly still on the couch, it is evident...

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