Monday, May 14, 2012

Diabetic Humble Pie

It was Wednesday at 2 AM, and I couldn't sleep. I stared at the walls intently as if they held hidden messages for me; my own hieroglyphs to decipher. Suddenly, just like an omen in a bad movie, the soft light that usually bathes the bedroom's walls was gone; complete blackness engulfed everything. Five minutes later, there was light, alright... Lightning and thunder made their explosive way into the picture. The stuff usually soothes, and helps me sleep, but that wasn't going to be the case on this morning. This morning I had to rise early, and walk to work... and it was going to be a very interesting, and very wet, walk to work.

And I can't begin to tell you just how interesting. 

Let's just say I completely underestimated the situation, and thought it was just... well... an annoying moment of rain, and some fading thunder. At 4 am, though, let's just also say that some things are better left unseen. 

Most of the homes on my city's main avenue are small, and unimpressive. Not a blight, by any means, but just average homes that probably serve as 'first homes' to many newlyweds, or even some retired folks. They don't really have much in the way of yards, trees, or shrubbery, but I got to see a few fallen branches here and there, and that's common out here in Iowa during some of our Spring storms. No biggie. 

But then, you hit a slight bend up the road... and the homes become bigger, 'stately', and with sprawling large front lawns, gardens, and trees. You might even see a posh car or two, parked on a driveway; testament to how much someone, somewhere, makes. And this is where the horror began. 

Have you ever seen a a tree trunk that's, maybe, a few feet wide, in diameter? Yes? Now, have you ever seen it BENT IN HALF, like the bending of a simple tulip stem; like a Twizzler... Like it was made of rubber? Well, at this point in my walk, very MANY of the trees were in this state.

I got quite scared. The city sirens never rang that morning, and no warnings or advisories were in effect for my county. But I know quite well a few of you KNOW what this represents. Unless the Jolly Green Giant's bratty son was out and about, or Godzilla, for that matter... the only two things I know that can do this to such large trees are tornadoes, and hurricanes. And we don't have hurricanes up in the northern Midwest. 

I really didn't know if this was still happening in the vicinity... I sure didn't hear anything in the way of a "freight train" noise. But by then, I was closer to work than to home, so I tried to finish the journey as quickly as possible, and get out of harm's way. Stupid? Maybe. Later, in the papers, experts were looking into whether a tornado 'potentially' touched down in Ames. Well, you sure could've fooled me. :/ 

I was very scared, and when I get scared... I tend to get angry at the impotence of the situation. Scared of being alone, scared I have nothing to rely on to save my own behind, and very angry. I don't know why... like what could I do? Slap the sky? I guess I just want life to happen smoothly, sometimes, and not scare the crap out of me. Not force me into confrontations, or situations I don't want. I JUST WANTED TO DO WHAT I HAD PLANNED - GET TO WORK! 

But life seldom cares what we want, and we have to roll with it...

So we come to Friday, at the second job. I worked an 11-5 pm shift, and I'd been sick with a stomach virus for a few days. Really, foolish or not, I didn't have much in my stomach at that moment; I was just too scared I couldn't keep any of it down. 

Lunch rush starts at this Mexican restaurant, and I'm quickly into the groove of things, making order after order after order. It's okay...! I'm in my element! Things are going awesome... 

And then, without notice, the floor was made of lava, and I was in a movie, and people were watching me. And I was making those burritos... on a compartment, atop a roller coaster ride, and trying to hold on soooo hard to the railing. I think I thought the burritos were the railing, at one point. Everything was funny, and sooo not funny, at the same time. I got scared, and very angry.

I wanted to stop, but there was no one else there. I'm pretty knew, so people don't really know much about what I need, or don't need, and frankly... I only work a few hours, part time. I guess I foolishly thought I could get away with it. I *knew* that I was having a quite sudden, and quite low, LOW. But I couldn't stop.

"I can finish this lunch rush," I say to myself... I can. By the time rush was done, I'm sure some of my folding, and wrapping, looked as mangled as those trees on my main avenue. I was so sick feeling, and so scared... Like a person drowning, and their head rising in and out of the water. Where the hell are the jellybeans? I quickly announced I'm going on break -- whether people like it or not -- and NO ONE refused. They must've seen something in my eyes, and wisened up. 

Funny, the place is typically crawling in ho-hos, twinkies, and jelly beans... and not a damn piece of sugar was in sight. 

Luckily, I ate through 3 pieces of candy I had in my pocket (too scared to go down the greasy, steep steps to the basement, and find my purse, and get the meter and the glucose tabs), and a cup of regular soda... 30 minutes later things seemed to improve. My break was only 15. 

I will have to ask if I can keep things upstairs -- we can't really keep personal things, nor food, in the work areas. But it's going to have to be... an uncomfortable conversation. I just don't like to bring it up.


In the end, I took a detour through Alice's Wonderland of Diabetic Crap, and finished with a terrible headache... and NOT from the magic mushrooms. :/ 

I hate Diabetes. *&^%#! Diabetes.

Lesson: We can't exactly plan for every situation, in life. Who the heck knows when a tornado's going to come in, and rip through your lunch rush, at work... BUT we must be willing to reach out to others, and identify safe beacons along the way. Don't hurt yourself because you want to be tough, and stubborn, and stupid. Just don't. It's so not worth it... 

"One order of diabetic humble pie, please. For here." 


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